Judgment Day

So tomorrow's what it all comes down to - the release of the Promo results. It'll be a time of joy and fulfillment for some, a time of disappointment, anguish and sorrow for others.

Strangely enough I feel I belong to the latter group.

Across the past two days two teachers have told me that I haven't performed up to standard. I guess I am disappointed about not performing well, or at least as well as I know I could have. But more than that I feel disappointed that I've let them down.

I don't quite seem to understand why people, or rather teachers, have such high hopes of me. Nick says it's because of the cliched "you've got potential young man, don't waste it" rhetoric that floods your head after a while. I didn't do too well for IH; hopefully SEA will pull me up. I didn't do too well for my Econs DRQ; hopefully my essay will save me again. 11/20 + 19/25 for Terms didn't end up too badly.

I'm honestly scared, I'll admit that. My confidence is shaken. The ground on which I stand no longer holds firm anymore.

Help me to trust you Lord, to know that You have plans for me; to know that You have my future in the palm of Your Hand. Help me to accept whatever comes my way with joy, and not sorrow.

More than that Lord, help me to trust what I cannot understand. Give me faith Lord, to believe in the goodness in others. Despite what's been said, I still choose to believe otherwise. Let me know You are in control Lord.

Amen.

DC4C

Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole
Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound
But while you debate half empty or half full
It slowly rises, your love is going to drown

Ennui

Ennui
by Sylvia Plath

Tea leaves thwart those who court catastrophe,
designing futures where nothing will occur:
cross the gypsy’s palm and yawning she
will still predict no perils left to conquer.
Jeopardy is jejune now: naïve knight
finds ogres out-of-date and dragons unheard
of, while blasé princesses indict
tilts at terror as downright absurd.

The beast in Jamesian grove will never jump,
compelling hero’s dull career to crisis;
and when insouciant angels play God’s trump,
while bored arena crowds for once look eager,
hoping toward havoc, neither pleas nor prizes
shall coax from doom’s blank door lady or tiger.