Just read something that, I daresay, made me much relieved.
Why so? I have no idea. I guess it's just that things are turning out for the better?
In other matters, we had a discussion on passion during civics, and I vehemently objected to the notion that there is sufficient freedom given to us to pursue what we want. Perhaps I tend to speak up more for the things and issues I believe strongly in, and this is one of them. Several classmates were willing to compromise and change pursuits if conditions were unfavourable, but that is not my case.
I strongly believe in doing what you want to do, if it brings you meaning in life. You pursue passion(s) because of the satisfaction and to some extent, self-glorification, that they bring, not anything else. Are we that ready to compromise doing what gives us purpose and drive, and trade it all just for the illusion of security and stability? It scares me really that there is indeed a glass ceiling above our heads, and no one seems to notice it.
We are told thet sky's the limit; that with relentless believe and hard work, we can achieve what we want in life. But the Singaporean stereotype is that we want wealth and status, and for some, a loving family. But what if that is not what we want? What if all I want to to fulfill my dreams, to pursue what gives me satisfaction? I'd possibly be dubbed a social heretic; that I've lost all sense of logical reasoning and want to give up the good life set out before me.
But after all, good is a matter of perspective. The question remains though - are we willing to step out of our comfort zone, pay the price, and break free? Passion versus practicality. And in today's society, the sad truth is that pragmatism is the victor.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Sleepless in Seattle
I can't sleep.
Maybe it's because I slept from 6.40pm to about 8-ish?
Thinking about issues again. Perhaps the phone call with Dawn brought up several issues that I would have rather laid to rest. Maybe it was just a passing remark, maybe not. But why is it affecting me?
Once again the paradox of having a variety of options laid out and presented before me and the eventual realisation that there is only one way to go from here astounds me...
Maybe it's because I slept from 6.40pm to about 8-ish?
Thinking about issues again. Perhaps the phone call with Dawn brought up several issues that I would have rather laid to rest. Maybe it was just a passing remark, maybe not. But why is it affecting me?
Once again the paradox of having a variety of options laid out and presented before me and the eventual realisation that there is only one way to go from here astounds me...
Memoriam
I constantly find myself in a cyclic pattern - that of remembering the past and the memories, pleasant and otherwise, that it brings.
And it's a choice I make - to remember; to exercise my ability for metacognition, reflection. And often the question I pose to myself is 'Why'? Why do I even dig so deep into the recesses in my mind to produce that memory, that inspiration to drive on?
Indeed, as I search, I stumble across visual representations of the past and the has- and had-beens: photographs. Indeed, a picture is worth a thousand words, though probably more than that is needed to perfectly recount that incident frozen in time to preserve the moment, the smiles and the joy; the sadness and sorrow.
And so I search and press on for that elusive moment that froze that instant in time, that portrait of beauty that inspires.
And it's a choice I make - to remember; to exercise my ability for metacognition, reflection. And often the question I pose to myself is 'Why'? Why do I even dig so deep into the recesses in my mind to produce that memory, that inspiration to drive on?
Indeed, as I search, I stumble across visual representations of the past and the has- and had-beens: photographs. Indeed, a picture is worth a thousand words, though probably more than that is needed to perfectly recount that incident frozen in time to preserve the moment, the smiles and the joy; the sadness and sorrow.
And so I search and press on for that elusive moment that froze that instant in time, that portrait of beauty that inspires.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Quizzles
Cherm asked me to do this when I got bored. I'm presently in school and it's lunch, so there.
SE7EN things that make me smile:
(Seven?! How often do you see me smile?)
1) Sis
2) Person Number 1
3) Words said/things done by Person Number 1
4) Person Number 2
5) Words said/things done by Person Number 2
6) Send me amusing smses (like certain New Year ones...)
7) Write me a note/card
SE7EN ways to win my heart:
1) Be witty and intellectual, but not pretencious
2) Write me notes/letters
3) Make me smile (it's a sure sign?)
4) Be in Track (ermm... haha...)
5) Talk to me, make me feel important even though I'm not
6) Be able to hold meaningful, engaging conversations
7) Just be there for me
SE7EN things I believe in:
1) God
2) Myself
3) Life
4) Transience
5) Subjectivity
6) Fairies
7) Love
SE7EN things I'm afraid of:
1) The end of the world
2) Losing those I care for
3) Change
4) Hurting people
5) Person Number 3
6) Failure
7) Small enclosed spaces
SE7EN things that I do everyday:
1) Talk
2) Sms
3) Listen to music
4) Think (alot)
5) Reflect
6) Pray
7) Homework
SE7EN people I want to see right now:
1) Person Number 1
2) Person Number 2
3) Person Number 3
4) Bronson
5) Sam
6) Sis
7) Person Number 4 (don't you love this?)
*****
From my brother...
Your Ideal Partner:
1. Male Or Female
2. 8 Requirements of your ideal partner
3. Tag 8 other people and notify that they are tagged.
1. Female, unless it's Ashton Kutcher...
2. love God
hold engaging meaningful conversations
ideally someone happy-ish (to counter my pessimistic nature)
be intellectual
have alot of time to spare
help me grow in God
make me laugh
be sensitive
3) go do it on your own...
SE7EN things that make me smile:
(Seven?! How often do you see me smile?)
1) Sis
2) Person Number 1
3) Words said/things done by Person Number 1
4) Person Number 2
5) Words said/things done by Person Number 2
6) Send me amusing smses (like certain New Year ones...)
7) Write me a note/card
SE7EN ways to win my heart:
1) Be witty and intellectual, but not pretencious
2) Write me notes/letters
3) Make me smile (it's a sure sign?)
4) Be in Track (ermm... haha...)
5) Talk to me, make me feel important even though I'm not
6) Be able to hold meaningful, engaging conversations
7) Just be there for me
SE7EN things I believe in:
1) God
2) Myself
3) Life
4) Transience
5) Subjectivity
6) Fairies
7) Love
SE7EN things I'm afraid of:
1) The end of the world
2) Losing those I care for
3) Change
4) Hurting people
5) Person Number 3
6) Failure
7) Small enclosed spaces
SE7EN things that I do everyday:
1) Talk
2) Sms
3) Listen to music
4) Think (alot)
5) Reflect
6) Pray
7) Homework
SE7EN people I want to see right now:
1) Person Number 1
2) Person Number 2
3) Person Number 3
4) Bronson
5) Sam
6) Sis
7) Person Number 4 (don't you love this?)
*****
From my brother...
Your Ideal Partner:
1. Male Or Female
2. 8 Requirements of your ideal partner
3. Tag 8 other people and notify that they are tagged.
1. Female, unless it's Ashton Kutcher...
2. love God
hold engaging meaningful conversations
ideally someone happy-ish (to counter my pessimistic nature)
be intellectual
have alot of time to spare
help me grow in God
make me laugh
be sensitive
3) go do it on your own...
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Alienation
Presently at home with nothing to do. Blogging from my Mac because my dearest brother did nothing to my MSN conversations on the computer when I left it for a moment and they disappeared like they never existed. Being him, he denies everything. Like sure, they never were there in the first place and I was actually hallucinating and not chatting with Kerry. Right.
No one seems to want to leave the house, and the rain only seems to further dampen my spirits. I think I shall go out. Leave everything behind.
At times I feel it's just me against the world out there. And I know that it's the choice I made, and I'm learning and living to stick by it, whether it is good or bad. Why I bear the burden of responsibility and morals that this decaying world only pervades and destroys I have no idea.
Yet I know that I really do not belong to this time period, this generation. I'm so different. I can blend in, and weave my webs of deception and camouflage, but I'll never be one of them. I'm proud of it, and I would not change even if the world depended on it. I long for a time more personal, where transience (though ever-present) did not have absolute control; where values and morals, integrity and responsibility would be upheld. I live by impossible standards in this time and age, and I will not change.
For most speak the language of the mind, few speak the language of the heart, but I speak the language of the soul...
No one seems to want to leave the house, and the rain only seems to further dampen my spirits. I think I shall go out. Leave everything behind.
At times I feel it's just me against the world out there. And I know that it's the choice I made, and I'm learning and living to stick by it, whether it is good or bad. Why I bear the burden of responsibility and morals that this decaying world only pervades and destroys I have no idea.
Yet I know that I really do not belong to this time period, this generation. I'm so different. I can blend in, and weave my webs of deception and camouflage, but I'll never be one of them. I'm proud of it, and I would not change even if the world depended on it. I long for a time more personal, where transience (though ever-present) did not have absolute control; where values and morals, integrity and responsibility would be upheld. I live by impossible standards in this time and age, and I will not change.
For most speak the language of the mind, few speak the language of the heart, but I speak the language of the soul...
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Blessed
Perhaps it's time I focused less on what I've given, and looked at what I've received; not just to see how I've been a blessing, but to see how others have blessed me.
And this goes out to a specific two - more so than others.
Thank you.
And this goes out to a specific two - more so than others.
Thank you.
Blessed
Perhaps it's time I focused less on what I've given, and looked at what I've received; not just to see how I've been a blessing, but to see how others have blessed me.
And this goes out to a specific two - more so than others.
Thank you.
And this goes out to a specific two - more so than others.
Thank you.
Monday, January 16, 2006
The Paradox of Our Time
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added years to life, not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor. We've conquered outer space, but not inner space; we've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we've split the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less; we plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait; we have higher incomes, but lower morals; we have more food, but less appeasement; we build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication; we've become long on quantity, but short on quality.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships. These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.
These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology has brought this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to make a difference, or to just hit "Skip Ahead"...
We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added years to life, not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor. We've conquered outer space, but not inner space; we've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we've split the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less; we plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait; we have higher incomes, but lower morals; we have more food, but less appeasement; we build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication; we've become long on quantity, but short on quality.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships. These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.
These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology has brought this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to make a difference, or to just hit "Skip Ahead"...
(An)Other
Posting after a couple of weeks spent in school. It hasn't been all that bad, just physically and mentally draining. The past weekend was spent clearing work, assignments; projects upon projects. I fear no one realises it's merely Term 1 Week 3, and that the workload will only pile up till it surpasses the Petronas Towers as the year progresses.
Still I find time to post my thoughts...
And amidst this term's discussion on the topic of Man & Science, I've realised several things.
The most pertinent one would be our desire to seek and find Others - and this transcends culture, space and time. Yet in this ever-advancing world, technology seems to be a great paradox. In the midst of the hype of wireless connectivity that transcends geographically boundaries and puts people separated by mountains, valleys, and hundreds of kilometres in touch within a matter of minutes.
Yet this is merely a farce; we may be more connected, but do we relate more? Are the bonds formed stronger, or do they strain across boundaries, such that what matters is merely the meta-physical, where dwelving into the emotional and mental recesses do not matter anymore.
And it is in such instances where we realise that we've forget to feed our senses; we've forgotten how to feel, how it's like to touch, taste, sense, and see beyond the webcams and the falsity of reality created through its microscopic lens. We forget how it's like to have and to feel the presence of someone by our side. Such a loss is perhaps the greatest tragedy of all, as the loss of feelings, emotions; turning out hearts cold and mechanical, void of feeling, will only inhibit our ability to love and to cherish.
Human relationships have been strained across the years. The need for another can been seen in attempted manifestations - Friendster, online dating, and such. We use technology as a medium to pursue relationships, but it will never be complete without the human element in it. Words typed weigh less than words spoken, and fingers brushing along each stroke of the keyboard can never replace the tactile experience of brushing against someone else on the train. We long for others, and human presence can never be replaced by technology and the facades and aliases, even alternate realities, that we create in an attempt to guise our need.
By inhibiting our sensorial development, it indirectly leads to a decline in the relationships in the community and within society. We're more connected, yet this presents the paradox of our time.
We need flesh and blood, not cold metal and steel.
Still I find time to post my thoughts...
And amidst this term's discussion on the topic of Man & Science, I've realised several things.
The most pertinent one would be our desire to seek and find Others - and this transcends culture, space and time. Yet in this ever-advancing world, technology seems to be a great paradox. In the midst of the hype of wireless connectivity that transcends geographically boundaries and puts people separated by mountains, valleys, and hundreds of kilometres in touch within a matter of minutes.
Yet this is merely a farce; we may be more connected, but do we relate more? Are the bonds formed stronger, or do they strain across boundaries, such that what matters is merely the meta-physical, where dwelving into the emotional and mental recesses do not matter anymore.
And it is in such instances where we realise that we've forget to feed our senses; we've forgotten how to feel, how it's like to touch, taste, sense, and see beyond the webcams and the falsity of reality created through its microscopic lens. We forget how it's like to have and to feel the presence of someone by our side. Such a loss is perhaps the greatest tragedy of all, as the loss of feelings, emotions; turning out hearts cold and mechanical, void of feeling, will only inhibit our ability to love and to cherish.
Human relationships have been strained across the years. The need for another can been seen in attempted manifestations - Friendster, online dating, and such. We use technology as a medium to pursue relationships, but it will never be complete without the human element in it. Words typed weigh less than words spoken, and fingers brushing along each stroke of the keyboard can never replace the tactile experience of brushing against someone else on the train. We long for others, and human presence can never be replaced by technology and the facades and aliases, even alternate realities, that we create in an attempt to guise our need.
By inhibiting our sensorial development, it indirectly leads to a decline in the relationships in the community and within society. We're more connected, yet this presents the paradox of our time.
We need flesh and blood, not cold metal and steel.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Traces
A year gone, so here's a year's reflections.
We leave traces of ourselves in everything we do, everywhere we visit, everyone we encounter in life. And so often we leave irreplaceable parts of ourselves in the things and people we deem important and invaluable. Yet when these things and people move on, we often lose those parts of ourselves, and struggle ever so hard to find them, to retrieve them and bring them back to make us whole again.
And at the beginning of another cyclical calendar is often the time we spend looking back at the traces and trials we left before and behind us, hoping that the new year brings about new beginnings, new hopes, and positive changes. Yet, we know in all consciousness, though we refuse to admit it, that life is cyclical and has a history and way of repeating itself (deja vu anyone?) though it provides of illusion of linearity. Despite this, most of us look forward - earnestly hoping for change.
Yes, if there's a word for 2005 that sums it up it is simply this - loss. It's been a dreadful year of loss, not only for me. (Thanks Sam for the incredibly ridiculous New Year's message.) It's been a year of natural and 'unnatural' disasters, where many lives have been taken and claimed, and the Earth itself left bruised and damaged, and families of those left weaping and mourning over what will never be returned to them.
Recounting, I have lost so much in my life. I have lost my passion for the things I do; the passion that beseeches me to give of myself to others, to guide them because I have been blessed. I have lost the passion for running, due to the recurrent ankle injury that bothers me. I have lost the passion to commit, to trust, and to love. I seem to have lost the reason and motivation that drives me on weekends; to pursue the destiny of others who often do not appreciate it. I have lost those that were once close to me; those I once called and held dear. But amidst all that has happened, I have lost myself.
Yet in losing myself, I have gained something invaluable - the knowledge that I need to find myself again; to find a renewed purpose to guide me through this life. I have gained the knowledge that I need to chart a future where self-worth is found from within, and not from others' perspectives and beliefs and sayings. Most importantly, I have gained the realisation that there are people around who still care, and are inspired by what I believe in and how I stand firm to them.
I have lost materially...but I have gained in ways that weights and measures cannot value.
We leave traces of ourselves in everything we do, everywhere we visit, everyone we encounter in life. And so often we leave irreplaceable parts of ourselves in the things and people we deem important and invaluable. Yet when these things and people move on, we often lose those parts of ourselves, and struggle ever so hard to find them, to retrieve them and bring them back to make us whole again.
And at the beginning of another cyclical calendar is often the time we spend looking back at the traces and trials we left before and behind us, hoping that the new year brings about new beginnings, new hopes, and positive changes. Yet, we know in all consciousness, though we refuse to admit it, that life is cyclical and has a history and way of repeating itself (deja vu anyone?) though it provides of illusion of linearity. Despite this, most of us look forward - earnestly hoping for change.
Yes, if there's a word for 2005 that sums it up it is simply this - loss. It's been a dreadful year of loss, not only for me. (Thanks Sam for the incredibly ridiculous New Year's message.) It's been a year of natural and 'unnatural' disasters, where many lives have been taken and claimed, and the Earth itself left bruised and damaged, and families of those left weaping and mourning over what will never be returned to them.
Recounting, I have lost so much in my life. I have lost my passion for the things I do; the passion that beseeches me to give of myself to others, to guide them because I have been blessed. I have lost the passion for running, due to the recurrent ankle injury that bothers me. I have lost the passion to commit, to trust, and to love. I seem to have lost the reason and motivation that drives me on weekends; to pursue the destiny of others who often do not appreciate it. I have lost those that were once close to me; those I once called and held dear. But amidst all that has happened, I have lost myself.
Yet in losing myself, I have gained something invaluable - the knowledge that I need to find myself again; to find a renewed purpose to guide me through this life. I have gained the knowledge that I need to chart a future where self-worth is found from within, and not from others' perspectives and beliefs and sayings. Most importantly, I have gained the realisation that there are people around who still care, and are inspired by what I believe in and how I stand firm to them.
I have lost materially...but I have gained in ways that weights and measures cannot value.
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