Without Jesus there won't be this Christmas...
The words sink in so deep now.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Festive
Christmas - the joy, laughter and merry-making time toward the end of the year. Or is it? More so it is a cloak that shields us and blends us into the festivities of it all to cover up the brokeness and bitterness faced along the course of the year.
It's been an absolutely terrible year, and I'm not going to smile and say my year was fine. I've lied enough, and I think this is where I come clean and be real...
Thinking about it, there's someone I really need to thank God for. I never realised it until today, but she's been there through the whole long issue beside me, making sure each time I wanted to give up, I didn't. And if the world would turn against me, she'd still be there. Each time I needed to rant and seek someone to talk to, she'd readily be there...
Thanks Sis.
It's been an absolutely terrible year, and I'm not going to smile and say my year was fine. I've lied enough, and I think this is where I come clean and be real...
Thinking about it, there's someone I really need to thank God for. I never realised it until today, but she's been there through the whole long issue beside me, making sure each time I wanted to give up, I didn't. And if the world would turn against me, she'd still be there. Each time I needed to rant and seek someone to talk to, she'd readily be there...
Thanks Sis.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Boredom
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you are wrath your animal is the tiger Wath is
manifested in the individual who spurns love
and opts instead for fury. It is also known as
Anger. you are just very angry at the world in
general. when people offer you kindness you
lash out at them in anger ...get a theripist
Which of the seven deadly sins are you? Redone with pics!
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What is your hidden power? ( Cool Pics + very detailed results!)
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Re-did this...
What is your hidden power? ( Cool Pics + very detailed results!)
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What mythical creature are you?
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Your eye ~amazing pics~
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Re-did...
Your eye ~amazing pics~
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What is Your Obsession?
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What type of evil are you? (anime pics)
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What type of evil are you? (anime pics)
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alt="Image hosted by
Photobucket.com">
You are a magical warrior! Born with a mystical and
errasistable nature, people are atracted to you
like a magnet. You are a very forward-thinker
and independent in your way of approaching most
things in life. No one is able to tell you how
to live, because your broad-minded and
creative attitude has made it clear to you just
how differently you wish to experience your
life.
Brimming with endless secrets along with surprises,
your talents, gifts and flairs cease to amaze.
Whats your inner warrior? (beautiful anime pics and detailed results!)
brought to you by Quizilla
Might vs Magic. Haha.
Your element is Darkness. You are the truly evil
one with a black heart and no soul. People
avoid you since you cause so much trouble and
enjoy seeing others in pain. You would like
nothing more than to rule this earth and be
hailed by all. Everyone is annoying and stupid
anyway and are a waste of oxygen. You are
probably a cast-away from society and family
and have had a tough life where you learned to
live the hard way. Now you want revenge on your
pain and can no longer feel love nor care. You
do not wish to befriend anyone and you
certainly do not wish to be in love. As a
student of having learnt everything the hard
way, you tend to be manipulative when you want
something for yourself. In your head there is
only you that matters, and why shouldn't it? No
one cares about you so why should you? In
school you probably ditch classes and go
somewhere else instead of sitting in a
classroom. It is not that you are stupid,
because you're probably very smart, but
everyone annoy you. And having to sit in the
same room, breathing the same air as your
enemies is not desired by you. Rate and
message!
What is your element? [with pics + detailed answeres]
brought to you by Quizilla
Your element is Darkness. You are the truly evil
one with a black heart and no soul. People
avoid you since you cause so much trouble and
enjoy seeing others in pain. You would like
nothing more than to rule this earth and be
hailed by all. Everyone is annoying and stupid
anyway and are a waste of oxygen. You are
probably a cast-away from society and family
and have had a tough life where you learned to
live the hard way. Now you want revenge on your
pain and can no longer feel love nor care. You
do not wish to befriend anyone and you
certainly do not wish to be in love. As a
student of having learnt everything the hard
way, you tend to be manipulative when you want
something for yourself. In your head there is
only you that matters, and why shouldn't it? No
one cares about you so why should you? In
school you probably ditch classes and go
somewhere else instead of sitting in a
classroom. It is not that you are stupid,
because you're probably very smart, but
everyone annoy you. And having to sit in the
same room, breathing the same air as your
enemies is not desired by you. Rate and
message!
What is your element? [with pics + detailed answeres]
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You reflect the wisdom of the spirit. You shine as
a wise and anicent sage who values intellect
among the most. Your spirit brings guidence to
those around you. You have accomplished your
strength with age and time. Don't let your wise
advice go to waste. Share it with all who are
willing to listen. Please rate high
;-)
Reflections of the Spirit?
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What colour is your soul? - anime pics (now w/ new result)
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Snagging a their number is a total adventure with
you love plotting schemes to get a them to
notice you. Quizzing their buds to find out
thier class schedule? Youve done it. Checking
they AOL profile to discover his hobbies? Yep,
that too. Sly and fearless, youll land your
crush any way you canand you usually do!
Whats Your Flirting Style?(good quiz)
brought to you by Quizilla
Snagging a their number is a total adventure with
you love plotting schemes to get a them to
notice you. Quizzing their buds to find out
thier class schedule? Youve done it. Checking
they AOL profile to discover his hobbies? Yep,
that too. Sly and fearless, youll land your
crush any way you canand you usually do!
Whats Your Flirting Style?(good quiz)
brought to you by Quizilla
Pre-Christmas
It's Christmas Eve.
Reflections, reflections. Is every single detail out there meant to haunt me over mistakes I've made this year - knowingly or unknowingly? I'm still greatly disturbed that there are issues left unresolved in my life, despite the resolution of the year drawing close.
Maybe, just maybe, I should apologise. Maybe I should tear down every pretence I've constructed and admit that I am human; I was wrong; I make mistakes. Maybe then, there might be a slim chance that life would turn around.
As cliched as it sounds - all I want for Christmas is you...
Reflections, reflections. Is every single detail out there meant to haunt me over mistakes I've made this year - knowingly or unknowingly? I'm still greatly disturbed that there are issues left unresolved in my life, despite the resolution of the year drawing close.
Maybe, just maybe, I should apologise. Maybe I should tear down every pretence I've constructed and admit that I am human; I was wrong; I make mistakes. Maybe then, there might be a slim chance that life would turn around.
As cliched as it sounds - all I want for Christmas is you...
How can I sing when my words have run dry
How can I smile with a tear in my eye
That's how it feels, when I'm missing you
How can I smile with a tear in my eye
That's how it feels, when I'm missing you
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Talk Time
Just got off the phone from a non-intentional wake-up call.
That's 6 hours spent on the phone today already. I feel so accomplished!
That's 6 hours spent on the phone today already. I feel so accomplished!
Compatability
What makes two people click in a relationship? Or rather, what do we go for in a relationship that ensures compatability; that we do not have a clash of personalities?
This seemingly simple question leads to two key areas - similarities and differences. How much of one entity do we want in a relationship? We do not want a carbon copy of ourselves, yet we do not want the total antithesis of what we are. It's the ironic nature of being human - so often we are found in that grey area, where we want what is between polaric extremes.
I've often questioned why I'd see guys from recent reputable schools going out with girls from not so good schools (or vice versa - I'm not sexist), and I've often wondered, what could he possibly see in her? They are quite different in nature - one's probably smarter than the other by quite some bit; one's probably going to end up with a more decent job than the other, and so on. There are so many differences - how do they maintain a relationship?
Someone once told me that that is, as cliched as it sounds, 'the Power of Love'. Age, status, occupation and all these do not matter if one truly loves another. But can love, such a complex emotion, simply be attained by abandoning and neglecting entire aspects of a person, overlooking similarities and differences alike? How can it be when love is said to accept wholly, and not partially. Is love negligence and ignorance or acceptance? Most would say acceptance. Who would claim that they neglect the people they love? But does it really hold? Can we ever justify and try to explain what love is?
The Bible says God is love. And different people say different things. So what is love to you? Ultimately I believe this statement is true: love is only a feeling. It cannot be explained, it cannot be made or manufactured or sold; it was meant to be given and received - words unspoken.
And it is precisely this concept of giving and receiving that has warped our ideas of love in post-modern mercantilistic society. We think we can sell, trade, buy love (as seen through expressions of changing partners and buying Vietnamese or Chinese brides).
Love was never meant to be explained; it was meant to be understood.
This seemingly simple question leads to two key areas - similarities and differences. How much of one entity do we want in a relationship? We do not want a carbon copy of ourselves, yet we do not want the total antithesis of what we are. It's the ironic nature of being human - so often we are found in that grey area, where we want what is between polaric extremes.
I've often questioned why I'd see guys from recent reputable schools going out with girls from not so good schools (or vice versa - I'm not sexist), and I've often wondered, what could he possibly see in her? They are quite different in nature - one's probably smarter than the other by quite some bit; one's probably going to end up with a more decent job than the other, and so on. There are so many differences - how do they maintain a relationship?
Someone once told me that that is, as cliched as it sounds, 'the Power of Love'. Age, status, occupation and all these do not matter if one truly loves another. But can love, such a complex emotion, simply be attained by abandoning and neglecting entire aspects of a person, overlooking similarities and differences alike? How can it be when love is said to accept wholly, and not partially. Is love negligence and ignorance or acceptance? Most would say acceptance. Who would claim that they neglect the people they love? But does it really hold? Can we ever justify and try to explain what love is?
The Bible says God is love. And different people say different things. So what is love to you? Ultimately I believe this statement is true: love is only a feeling. It cannot be explained, it cannot be made or manufactured or sold; it was meant to be given and received - words unspoken.
And it is precisely this concept of giving and receiving that has warped our ideas of love in post-modern mercantilistic society. We think we can sell, trade, buy love (as seen through expressions of changing partners and buying Vietnamese or Chinese brides).
Love was never meant to be explained; it was meant to be understood.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
A Pre-Christmas Reflection
What do I want?
Seemingly simple question, but there're so many issues behind it.
Sorted out some thoughts today, bought several gifts. Christmas is coming, but my thoughts on that do not belong in this entry.
I've been asking myself: what do I want for Christmas? And do the things I want bring happiness or satisfaction? Then I realised - the joy of Christmas is not the joy of receiving gifts, but the joy of the world receiving Christ.
Seemingly simple question, but there're so many issues behind it.
Sorted out some thoughts today, bought several gifts. Christmas is coming, but my thoughts on that do not belong in this entry.
I've been asking myself: what do I want for Christmas? And do the things I want bring happiness or satisfaction? Then I realised - the joy of Christmas is not the joy of receiving gifts, but the joy of the world receiving Christ.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Time Moves On
Had dinner with Stef today, and the topic of tradition just popped up.
In short, we were lamenting on how as time progresses, parents rarely seem to be affected by the winds of change. Often we hear the ever so common "In my time...(goes on and on about how things were better and more civil in their time and how society is only changing for the worse)", isn't it so?
Tradition seeks to preserve values, morals, etiquette, while time seeks to change that. Asian culture and modernity seem to be in a constant fight for the lives of the young today. Unlike the generation of our parents, where filial piety and other Chinese values were prominent, youths today are more in touch with Western culture, where you leave home at 18 to find a job and rarely see your parents again.
Take dialect for instance. Someone told me that our parents would be the last generation to speak it fluently, or even at all, and I must admit I agree. The generations gap between parent and child is not only a gap of age, but also a gap of culture. Media and Western influence have been prominent throughout our upbringing, while the only forms of tradition that remain lie at home, decaying.
Perhaps tradition has met its end in this generation. Yet a deeper thought lingers - 50 years from now, with the powers of the East emerging, will our children have the mindset that our present 'Western lifestyles' are tradition, and go back to the 'ancient' beliefs of our parents and their parents?
Ultimately, tradition is not anything ancient, but merely a mindset; a perspective. And the battle, once again, is won by time - it conquers all, leaving even civilisations crumbling in its wake.
****
Author's note: Terribly sub-par entry. I'm too distracted by the 'Movie Event of the Year' on AXN. Heh.
In short, we were lamenting on how as time progresses, parents rarely seem to be affected by the winds of change. Often we hear the ever so common "In my time...(goes on and on about how things were better and more civil in their time and how society is only changing for the worse)", isn't it so?
Tradition seeks to preserve values, morals, etiquette, while time seeks to change that. Asian culture and modernity seem to be in a constant fight for the lives of the young today. Unlike the generation of our parents, where filial piety and other Chinese values were prominent, youths today are more in touch with Western culture, where you leave home at 18 to find a job and rarely see your parents again.
Take dialect for instance. Someone told me that our parents would be the last generation to speak it fluently, or even at all, and I must admit I agree. The generations gap between parent and child is not only a gap of age, but also a gap of culture. Media and Western influence have been prominent throughout our upbringing, while the only forms of tradition that remain lie at home, decaying.
Perhaps tradition has met its end in this generation. Yet a deeper thought lingers - 50 years from now, with the powers of the East emerging, will our children have the mindset that our present 'Western lifestyles' are tradition, and go back to the 'ancient' beliefs of our parents and their parents?
Ultimately, tradition is not anything ancient, but merely a mindset; a perspective. And the battle, once again, is won by time - it conquers all, leaving even civilisations crumbling in its wake.
****
Author's note: Terribly sub-par entry. I'm too distracted by the 'Movie Event of the Year' on AXN. Heh.
Tags
Rules of the game:
1. Post 5 weird/random stuff about yourself.
2. At the end, list the names of 5 people whom you want next to do this, and leave a comment "YOU ARE TAGGED!" in their blog and tell them to read your blog for rules. (*I won't do this. Do it if you want to...)
1) I am androgynous.
2) I don't think I'm handsome; I'm beautiful.
3) I'm ambidexterous.
4) I'm currently trying out new ways on signing my name.
5) I have Numb3rs season II and you don't!
*6) I'm probably quitting Track soon due to a recurring ankle injury. (*Since 1) and 2) are quite similar.)
1. Post 5 weird/random stuff about yourself.
2. At the end, list the names of 5 people whom you want next to do this, and leave a comment "YOU ARE TAGGED!" in their blog and tell them to read your blog for rules. (*I won't do this. Do it if you want to...)
1) I am androgynous.
2) I don't think I'm handsome; I'm beautiful.
3) I'm ambidexterous.
4) I'm currently trying out new ways on signing my name.
5) I have Numb3rs season II and you don't!
*6) I'm probably quitting Track soon due to a recurring ankle injury. (*Since 1) and 2) are quite similar.)
Monday, December 12, 2005
God at Work
I presently lack a phrase or expression to describe my current state of feelings. Why's everything so...complicated?!
Yeah, God's moving; people are changing; lives are being transformed. But still...
Basically someone just called to awaken me from my slumbering stupor. The moment I looked at the Caller ID on my handphone, something within me just jolted. Suddenly it seems everything just came back, and I tried to recall when the last time that number appeared. Everything's so far away; so long ago.
Sometimes I feel certain things should be left unsaid; unspoken.
Perhaps in moving on, we ironically need to deal with issues of the past. Perhaps certain issues are too pressing that God cannot let them lie. Why God? Why? Why couldn't it be all over then? I said I'd let go. What's more to do?
Camp was great - and so was the work He started. But I never did expect this. You may think it's pleasant. But I guess I just realised I'm not ready. I just realised I'd rather run away from the issue than face it. Call me a coward; I don't deny it.
I don't want to struggle anymore. Have Your Way - give me strength to make it through. Once again, it's letting go and letting God.
Yeah, God's moving; people are changing; lives are being transformed. But still...
Basically someone just called to awaken me from my slumbering stupor. The moment I looked at the Caller ID on my handphone, something within me just jolted. Suddenly it seems everything just came back, and I tried to recall when the last time that number appeared. Everything's so far away; so long ago.
Sometimes I feel certain things should be left unsaid; unspoken.
Perhaps in moving on, we ironically need to deal with issues of the past. Perhaps certain issues are too pressing that God cannot let them lie. Why God? Why? Why couldn't it be all over then? I said I'd let go. What's more to do?
Camp was great - and so was the work He started. But I never did expect this. You may think it's pleasant. But I guess I just realised I'm not ready. I just realised I'd rather run away from the issue than face it. Call me a coward; I don't deny it.
I don't want to struggle anymore. Have Your Way - give me strength to make it through. Once again, it's letting go and letting God.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Forever Delayed
Delays - one of modern life's greatest ironies.
We buzz about our lives hoping to soon hit Mach 3 to reduce working hours from 9-10 so we have more time to spend, yet delays and hold-ups are simply inevitable. Just today, I was at Plaza Singapura waiting to have my hair cut, and (together with really ineffecient service) resulted in me being 15mins later for service. Disgusting really. Waiting has never really been one of my strong points, yet in this world, it seems that this saying holds true: We wait to rush and we rush to wait.
Even right now, I'm waiting for a phone call which I think may never come...
And so I'll keep waiting...
We buzz about our lives hoping to soon hit Mach 3 to reduce working hours from 9-10 so we have more time to spend, yet delays and hold-ups are simply inevitable. Just today, I was at Plaza Singapura waiting to have my hair cut, and (together with really ineffecient service) resulted in me being 15mins later for service. Disgusting really. Waiting has never really been one of my strong points, yet in this world, it seems that this saying holds true: We wait to rush and we rush to wait.
Even right now, I'm waiting for a phone call which I think may never come...
And so I'll keep waiting...
Monday, December 05, 2005
Meaning
It's an age-old question; one that no one has ever found an answer to:
What is life? What is the meaning of life?
When we look back at our own lives, observing the throngs of people moving to and fro going about their daily business, we ask, what is my life about? What is the meaning to my own life?
Some find it in their work, some with their families, others in love, and others in exploration and conquest; a search and discovery of things past, present and future. But there is no singular answer. Life perhaps is precisely that - anything, and (ironically) everything. We accuse workaholics of lacking a 'life' and of being too self-absorbed. Yet we too criticise family-oriented people for lacking commitment and passion in their work life. Perhaps the contradication holds a lesson - there is no one definition to life. It merely 'is'. It is what we choose to define it as...
And that perhaps is a morbid thought for we fear the reality that life is merely a phase; we are merely 'passing through'. Life lacks permanence: we live and we will eventually die. However, this cycle of life stirs up complex emotions within. We fear that all we've done in this life time will disintegrate and be forgotten with time. We fear that we will and perhaps have not done enough. We want to be remembered. We seek immortality...
It so readily explains why people seek fame and fortune; why they sought achievement and success. Beyond the material gains, it is the need to be immortal; to be remembered for the success one has carved upon this world.
And we all do it...in our own way.
What is life? What is the meaning of life?
When we look back at our own lives, observing the throngs of people moving to and fro going about their daily business, we ask, what is my life about? What is the meaning to my own life?
Some find it in their work, some with their families, others in love, and others in exploration and conquest; a search and discovery of things past, present and future. But there is no singular answer. Life perhaps is precisely that - anything, and (ironically) everything. We accuse workaholics of lacking a 'life' and of being too self-absorbed. Yet we too criticise family-oriented people for lacking commitment and passion in their work life. Perhaps the contradication holds a lesson - there is no one definition to life. It merely 'is'. It is what we choose to define it as...
And that perhaps is a morbid thought for we fear the reality that life is merely a phase; we are merely 'passing through'. Life lacks permanence: we live and we will eventually die. However, this cycle of life stirs up complex emotions within. We fear that all we've done in this life time will disintegrate and be forgotten with time. We fear that we will and perhaps have not done enough. We want to be remembered. We seek immortality...
It so readily explains why people seek fame and fortune; why they sought achievement and success. Beyond the material gains, it is the need to be immortal; to be remembered for the success one has carved upon this world.
And we all do it...in our own way.
History
What is the value of history - personal, national and global (world)?
At the root of it, history is a means to ascertain our existence. History is narrative. And the human race has always had an innate desire to tell stories, to write them, and to recount them. It is what keeps us alive; It is what tells us that we are present, here, in this time and space. We need others to hear and listen so they can reflect our existence.
But history, in its most personal form, is memory. We reminesce and remember to know that we exist(ed). We look back in time and objectify ourselves as a third person often wondering if that was who we were in a forgotten time and space - remembered only in the recesses of our minds. And so in some contorted fashion, existence is merely memory and perception. We create our own realities - nowhere else but in our minds.
We look back introspectively - and we laugh, smile, cry and weep; we are moved, inspired, ashamed, guilt-ridden. That is the power of memory - to shape future memories; to shape the present. In the same way, history in its 'larger' form has the same power. It could shape the world - its future and its present.
But the irony of our own lives, and the world, is that we never learn. We would rather indulge in realities that have passed. And we often only choose to see what we want to see.
At the root of it, history is a means to ascertain our existence. History is narrative. And the human race has always had an innate desire to tell stories, to write them, and to recount them. It is what keeps us alive; It is what tells us that we are present, here, in this time and space. We need others to hear and listen so they can reflect our existence.
But history, in its most personal form, is memory. We reminesce and remember to know that we exist(ed). We look back in time and objectify ourselves as a third person often wondering if that was who we were in a forgotten time and space - remembered only in the recesses of our minds. And so in some contorted fashion, existence is merely memory and perception. We create our own realities - nowhere else but in our minds.
We look back introspectively - and we laugh, smile, cry and weep; we are moved, inspired, ashamed, guilt-ridden. That is the power of memory - to shape future memories; to shape the present. In the same way, history in its 'larger' form has the same power. It could shape the world - its future and its present.
But the irony of our own lives, and the world, is that we never learn. We would rather indulge in realities that have passed. And we often only choose to see what we want to see.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Gifted, and Proud Of It
What's with the recent slamming of GEPers in Today?!
Goodness, I just remember I had a rather heated discussion slamming people with Christal at Pizza Hut over dinner, only to realise that I was surrounded by mainstreamers.
But really, are we that arrogant? Do we have no other form of social life? I highly doubt it. I very much believe I have an extravagent social life, sadly. I associate myself with mainstream people - school- or church-based. My best friend is not a GEPer. My closer friends are mainly mainstream people.
Yes, I don't deny I'm not an arrogant stuck-up person at times. And I don't deny it's what the system has 'taught' me to be. But the choice to become the person with the character I bear is my choice; it was not forced onto me with the intention of xeroxing every GEPer to be arrogant, snobbish and whatnot. I chose to be arrogant, because I don't think others match up to me. Sorry if it hurts, but I'm deadly cynical and antagonistic.
Yeah, I'm proud of what I have and possess, sometimes a little too much for my own good. But surely being smart (supposedly at least), we'd learn to discern good from bad, right from wrong, black from white. Surely we know better than to come across as proud and unsociable. Me? I'm a deviant of the system. I don't believe I can be stereotyped into normalcy, and I strive to break free; be different; be me.
So maybe this rant at 2am in the morning seems disorientated and doesn't make much sense... Sorry, I don't need you, the reader, to side with me on this. As hypocritical as it sounds, I beg to differ with the opinions stated in the article.
But, if you were to slam the Integrated Programme for producing pathetic attempts at 'higher education', perhaps you'd get my vote. Idiocy surrounds me, and it's a month of freedom and fresh air, before returning to that hellhole of an educational institution. It's not the school; the school itself is nothing problematic. It's the students - my peers. They suck the life and will to live, to press on pursuing what I love. They tax every second of your life away, hoping to steal all you have. Teenyboppers...
Goodness, I just remember I had a rather heated discussion slamming people with Christal at Pizza Hut over dinner, only to realise that I was surrounded by mainstreamers.
But really, are we that arrogant? Do we have no other form of social life? I highly doubt it. I very much believe I have an extravagent social life, sadly. I associate myself with mainstream people - school- or church-based. My best friend is not a GEPer. My closer friends are mainly mainstream people.
Yes, I don't deny I'm not an arrogant stuck-up person at times. And I don't deny it's what the system has 'taught' me to be. But the choice to become the person with the character I bear is my choice; it was not forced onto me with the intention of xeroxing every GEPer to be arrogant, snobbish and whatnot. I chose to be arrogant, because I don't think others match up to me. Sorry if it hurts, but I'm deadly cynical and antagonistic.
Yeah, I'm proud of what I have and possess, sometimes a little too much for my own good. But surely being smart (supposedly at least), we'd learn to discern good from bad, right from wrong, black from white. Surely we know better than to come across as proud and unsociable. Me? I'm a deviant of the system. I don't believe I can be stereotyped into normalcy, and I strive to break free; be different; be me.
So maybe this rant at 2am in the morning seems disorientated and doesn't make much sense... Sorry, I don't need you, the reader, to side with me on this. As hypocritical as it sounds, I beg to differ with the opinions stated in the article.
But, if you were to slam the Integrated Programme for producing pathetic attempts at 'higher education', perhaps you'd get my vote. Idiocy surrounds me, and it's a month of freedom and fresh air, before returning to that hellhole of an educational institution. It's not the school; the school itself is nothing problematic. It's the students - my peers. They suck the life and will to live, to press on pursuing what I love. They tax every second of your life away, hoping to steal all you have. Teenyboppers...
Blank
That's the present state of my mind. It seems my thought-machine has gone on vacation, like most Singaporeans would.
So she's coming back tomorrow. So I'm due for a long overdue phone call. Big deal. Doesn't seem to matter anymore. There's an air of...nonchalance around me. Some might deem it as being apathetically self-absorbed, e.g. "I-don't-give-a-damn-about-anything-or-anyone".
I don't know why I've grown cold lately. My best friend might be leaving Singapore next year, and I don't seem to treasure his company or time anymore. Sad, isn't it?
I don't need your sympathy votes, really.
What I need? I really don't know. Life feels so...empty of late. Lacklustre; a bore; meaningless even.
I guess U2 sums it up quite well - "And I still haven't found what I'm looking for..."
So she's coming back tomorrow. So I'm due for a long overdue phone call. Big deal. Doesn't seem to matter anymore. There's an air of...nonchalance around me. Some might deem it as being apathetically self-absorbed, e.g. "I-don't-give-a-damn-about-anything-or-anyone".
I don't know why I've grown cold lately. My best friend might be leaving Singapore next year, and I don't seem to treasure his company or time anymore. Sad, isn't it?
I don't need your sympathy votes, really.
What I need? I really don't know. Life feels so...empty of late. Lacklustre; a bore; meaningless even.
I guess U2 sums it up quite well - "And I still haven't found what I'm looking for..."
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Trials
9 days since my last post.
Much has happened within this period of time, much of which will remain unsaid and confidential. I'm at a crossroad and I've yet to make my decision - which route will I take?
Physically it's been draining - the late nights and all. Coupled with the fact that there have been a maelstrom of emotions that have been rampant across those days, my life doesn't seem any better. Did I mention I'm on a 3 day full fast? Yeah. I'm tired, drained and hungry. They really do complement each other well; the product: a really annoyed Isaac.
I've been asking myself: why do I hold on? It's easier to let go. It's easier to give up and throw everything away. Is it really worth hanging on to? I think it's time my journey to Mount Doom started, and past the Shire and I feel like giving up. It's a long way to redeem myself, and it's a long way to the finish line. What keeps me hanging in there?
And still, I'm one step short of redemption. I've run out of words to express my anguish and present state of mind. Maybe it's the tiredness...
Much has happened within this period of time, much of which will remain unsaid and confidential. I'm at a crossroad and I've yet to make my decision - which route will I take?
Physically it's been draining - the late nights and all. Coupled with the fact that there have been a maelstrom of emotions that have been rampant across those days, my life doesn't seem any better. Did I mention I'm on a 3 day full fast? Yeah. I'm tired, drained and hungry. They really do complement each other well; the product: a really annoyed Isaac.
I've been asking myself: why do I hold on? It's easier to let go. It's easier to give up and throw everything away. Is it really worth hanging on to? I think it's time my journey to Mount Doom started, and past the Shire and I feel like giving up. It's a long way to redeem myself, and it's a long way to the finish line. What keeps me hanging in there?
And still, I'm one step short of redemption. I've run out of words to express my anguish and present state of mind. Maybe it's the tiredness...
Monday, November 21, 2005
Apathetic
Strangely enough, I don't feel anymore.
I don't care anymore.
Sometimes I think things just don't hit home.
I don't show the slightest bit of humane response upon hearing the tragedies of life that different people face and are going through. I think it's time for some soul searching...
I don't care anymore.
Sometimes I think things just don't hit home.
I don't show the slightest bit of humane response upon hearing the tragedies of life that different people face and are going through. I think it's time for some soul searching...
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Brave
So long on status quo
I think I'll just let go
You make me wanna be brave
I think I'll just let go
You make me wanna be brave
Just tired of holding on. Perhaps Charlotte's right. Maybe it's time to move on; holding on will not change anything. People want to be a part of my life, yet I shun them, and refuse to let them fill your place. No one ever will, but I guess it's time to open up.
But really, I think after losing the physical presence, the next best thing to hold on to is the memories of time spent with the person. Yeah, I'm being emotional. So sue me.
No thank you, just a smile.
I couldn't ask for more.
I couldn't ask for more.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
191105
Card written, present bought. I'm prepared to face the day.
And what?! Someone sends me a very amusing message. I think I might just survive today.
Smile and everything will be fine.
And what?! Someone sends me a very amusing message. I think I might just survive today.
Smile and everything will be fine.
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