Educators - most call them teachers, a few term them friends; but what they do is teach.
They are set in the system to teach us about life and what is important to life. They teach to prepare us for the world and work ahead. They teach to impart skills that are said to transcend the classroom and its learning. And in doing so, as is the inevitable when teaching about life, they teach us what it means to be human.
Yet, recent experiences have cast doubt on the goals and purposes of educators as I've known them for the past two years. What I've seen and witness has not adequately reflected and embodied behavior and attitudes that we should live life by.
All I see is the strife and ambition, bearing no consequences to what destruction they leave in their wake as long as they get what they so desperately long for. To them, the means will always justify the ends. I see backbiting and betrayal as if loyalty were a foregone utopia. I see no semblance of the friendships and brotherhoods they tell us our youth would forge. I see no care nor concern for "the future of the nation", when all they want is in the now. Students and their grades are but the tools by which they get what they strife for. Fame, accolades, promotions, recognition - all these are more important than the well-being our the very fragile minds they were meant to nurture and develop.
Whatever happened to morals, ethics and values; to trust, love, integrity and honesty? What happened to the practice of doing what's right instead of what's easy? These people have become the values they so falsely preach against.
It is indeed a shame...
And that is why I'm leaving. For more than all the academic purposes and courses I seek to take elsewhere, my value system cannot be eroded by such false prophets in our midsts. I am shunned, for I dare to be different; for seeing more than my peers; for realising the falsehoods and lies that they would try to cover up in their hypocrisy.
And that is why I'm leaving. I love to learn, and they have taught me nothing.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Wishful Thinking
I'm back from the doctor's. No history exam tomorrow for me. Two day MC. Brilliant I say. More sleep's around the corner. The much needed respite's always welcome.
I was wondering today if the world would be a happier and simple place without reasons and reasoning; without the very art of substantiation and logic that grounds our faith in society; that restricts the mayhem and chaos from being unleashed, bounded by legislation.
I suppose it would be. We would do thinks as mindless beings, going about our daily routines because "we have to" and "we are told to do so". We do not question, but we trust in the system which governs our lives. (Why does this sound like I'm advocating totalitarianism ala V for Vendetta?) We lose our choice and free will, to relieve ourselves of the strain of thinking and perceiving. Is that an exchange that is worth it?
I don't know. Really. It was just a passing thought. But there are traces of the mindless drones carrying out their daily activities. As much as we like to believe that we have the power of free choice, it is actually restricted to a large extent.
Why do we go to school? Or to work? Why can't we go to School A one day and School B the next? Why must we take exams? Why do we have to do homework (or face punishment)? Why are we given parents whom we did not choose (no I am not advocating rebellion or for people to start ill-treating their parents)? All these point to the lack of choice, and the innate power of control that the system or higher beings have over our lives.
It is, scarily, quite apparent that there is little choice we possess in governing our lives. Our lifes are but pawn pieces in a game of chance played by higher beings, be it God or the system. Indeed, "ours is not to question why, ours is but to do or die".
I was wondering today if the world would be a happier and simple place without reasons and reasoning; without the very art of substantiation and logic that grounds our faith in society; that restricts the mayhem and chaos from being unleashed, bounded by legislation.
I suppose it would be. We would do thinks as mindless beings, going about our daily routines because "we have to" and "we are told to do so". We do not question, but we trust in the system which governs our lives. (Why does this sound like I'm advocating totalitarianism ala V for Vendetta?) We lose our choice and free will, to relieve ourselves of the strain of thinking and perceiving. Is that an exchange that is worth it?
I don't know. Really. It was just a passing thought. But there are traces of the mindless drones carrying out their daily activities. As much as we like to believe that we have the power of free choice, it is actually restricted to a large extent.
Why do we go to school? Or to work? Why can't we go to School A one day and School B the next? Why must we take exams? Why do we have to do homework (or face punishment)? Why are we given parents whom we did not choose (no I am not advocating rebellion or for people to start ill-treating their parents)? All these point to the lack of choice, and the innate power of control that the system or higher beings have over our lives.
It is, scarily, quite apparent that there is little choice we possess in governing our lives. Our lifes are but pawn pieces in a game of chance played by higher beings, be it God or the system. Indeed, "ours is not to question why, ours is but to do or die".
Monday, October 09, 2006
Meaning and Significance
More musings, in the face of the highly insurmountable stack of revision notes / exercises to be done before my Math paper tomorrow. I'll be glad the day I can upload thoughts direct from my brain to my blog. Until then, I'll have to make do with creating notes and my handphone and uploading them here if I have the time.
We all know the effects of time, and the change that it brings. We all know how time clouds our vision of the future; we don't know what it beholds, and the past; we leave the memories behind and cloud them in the thickest fog conceivable only in our subconscious so we never see them again.
With all the changes brought about over time and space, the greatest impact is brought about in the changing of meaning and significance. Historical monuments from the past lose their greatness. (Who wants to preserve some ancient Aztec or Mayan temple of worship?) Nuclear weapons, once greatly feared all across the world, lose their significance as mass production begun; whether it be five thousand or five, they are enough to bring the entire world to its knees. We change presidents and governments every few years, and we forget the little additions into the state law, and any reformations that they may have brought about. We accept all these as a continual, inevitable part of life, and we move on not bothering to think back upon them.
It becomes worse when this is brought down into the little things in our lives. When the sunrise we see each morning holds no more meaning than our very next breath; when the people around us come and go without us knowing; when we accept that there will always be another tomorrow to make up for our lack of discipline and procrastination, we just lose the meaning and joy of life. It is indeed sad that things which once held such great altars in our lives can fade away into the sands of time.
I've learnt to treasure what I have, and not let time devalue the currency of importance and significance of the things in my life. I've erected my own altars, altars which commemorate the different events and milestones in my life, and they do not lose their value, simply because they are not physical forms. The world subjects everything to the value of the lords of wealth and prosperity, but existence is clearly worth more than that. I will not sell my soul, no matter what the cost.
We all know the effects of time, and the change that it brings. We all know how time clouds our vision of the future; we don't know what it beholds, and the past; we leave the memories behind and cloud them in the thickest fog conceivable only in our subconscious so we never see them again.
With all the changes brought about over time and space, the greatest impact is brought about in the changing of meaning and significance. Historical monuments from the past lose their greatness. (Who wants to preserve some ancient Aztec or Mayan temple of worship?) Nuclear weapons, once greatly feared all across the world, lose their significance as mass production begun; whether it be five thousand or five, they are enough to bring the entire world to its knees. We change presidents and governments every few years, and we forget the little additions into the state law, and any reformations that they may have brought about. We accept all these as a continual, inevitable part of life, and we move on not bothering to think back upon them.
It becomes worse when this is brought down into the little things in our lives. When the sunrise we see each morning holds no more meaning than our very next breath; when the people around us come and go without us knowing; when we accept that there will always be another tomorrow to make up for our lack of discipline and procrastination, we just lose the meaning and joy of life. It is indeed sad that things which once held such great altars in our lives can fade away into the sands of time.
I've learnt to treasure what I have, and not let time devalue the currency of importance and significance of the things in my life. I've erected my own altars, altars which commemorate the different events and milestones in my life, and they do not lose their value, simply because they are not physical forms. The world subjects everything to the value of the lords of wealth and prosperity, but existence is clearly worth more than that. I will not sell my soul, no matter what the cost.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Counting the Cost
I'm tired...
Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. It's a lethal combination. Really.
I feel like giving up. To just mess it up, to let go, to be ill-disciplined; to be all the vices that I strive so hard to flee from and disregard from my life. I feel like not studying, not preparing. The urge to deliberately rebel and submit a blank sheet of paper and shove it down their throats to pay them back is just pulsating through the very essence of my being.
But this is a system where they don't care. There is no individual, only the collective. We don't remember who failed or passed. Just numbers, figures, and statistics. We don't remember the highest PSLE, O or A level score from our school, just the grades and percentages.
Our very being is just so insignificant... so very insignificant.
It shocks me, and I don't know how I should respond. Someone came back yesterday. And it seems like so long ago when we last met. But everyone responds as if it was a given. What if nothing caused the person to walk back and turn around? What if he never saw the light of day again? Would we know, or care? I'm not free from this; I admit I do not try at times. And it's just so shocking. I contemplate the legacy (I think) I've built, and what would happen if I were to leave it all behind one day. No one would remember me, that I'm sure. Maybe for a couple of weeks, but nothing more.
I cried my heart out yesterday. I prayed with everything I had. I wanted to see him come back; to not throw everything away. We were close before he left, but I guess it's really sad that your space determines your relationships. When he left church, who actually bothered to keep in touch with him? I know I did, but at times I just didn't notice him anymore. And it saddens me. I prayed with all I had, because I felt so much. I felt his hurts and his guilt, and His Hurt. I prayed that His Love would come fill his life all over again. And when he was touched, I cried more because I knew You would never let him go, and You'd always take him back.
But really, who remembers us? Are we but heads on shoulders, two hands and two feet? Are we but numbers in the populace? We are five hundred strong. No one would see those leaving by the backdoor. We don't care about relationships. The space and condition comes first, everything else is about convenience.
The exodus draws nearer. And I'm going to give it all up soon, but not now.
Maybe when you read back, you'll realise I had once been there (if ever in your life) in that space we once shared. But my set moves on, and there's no longer the union and intersection. The space shares no overlap, and we move...
Maybe... just maybe...
Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. It's a lethal combination. Really.
I feel like giving up. To just mess it up, to let go, to be ill-disciplined; to be all the vices that I strive so hard to flee from and disregard from my life. I feel like not studying, not preparing. The urge to deliberately rebel and submit a blank sheet of paper and shove it down their throats to pay them back is just pulsating through the very essence of my being.
But this is a system where they don't care. There is no individual, only the collective. We don't remember who failed or passed. Just numbers, figures, and statistics. We don't remember the highest PSLE, O or A level score from our school, just the grades and percentages.
Our very being is just so insignificant... so very insignificant.
It shocks me, and I don't know how I should respond. Someone came back yesterday. And it seems like so long ago when we last met. But everyone responds as if it was a given. What if nothing caused the person to walk back and turn around? What if he never saw the light of day again? Would we know, or care? I'm not free from this; I admit I do not try at times. And it's just so shocking. I contemplate the legacy (I think) I've built, and what would happen if I were to leave it all behind one day. No one would remember me, that I'm sure. Maybe for a couple of weeks, but nothing more.
I cried my heart out yesterday. I prayed with everything I had. I wanted to see him come back; to not throw everything away. We were close before he left, but I guess it's really sad that your space determines your relationships. When he left church, who actually bothered to keep in touch with him? I know I did, but at times I just didn't notice him anymore. And it saddens me. I prayed with all I had, because I felt so much. I felt his hurts and his guilt, and His Hurt. I prayed that His Love would come fill his life all over again. And when he was touched, I cried more because I knew You would never let him go, and You'd always take him back.
But really, who remembers us? Are we but heads on shoulders, two hands and two feet? Are we but numbers in the populace? We are five hundred strong. No one would see those leaving by the backdoor. We don't care about relationships. The space and condition comes first, everything else is about convenience.
The exodus draws nearer. And I'm going to give it all up soon, but not now.
Maybe when you read back, you'll realise I had once been there (if ever in your life) in that space we once shared. But my set moves on, and there's no longer the union and intersection. The space shares no overlap, and we move...
Maybe... just maybe...
Sunday, September 24, 2006
The Book of Life
History is based upon the discovery and unearthing of past artifects and documents, which in the process allow us to discover more about what has been. We flip across the pages, we counter-check; we hypothesize; we postulate; we conceive ideas; we piece the pieces together, hoping that they fit and we can see the whole picture. By doing so, we unknowingly write the chapters of life in reverse.
We live in the present, and know only what today has brought and will bring. There is no mention of tomorrow, for tomorrow never comes, and yesterday is but clouded in a fading mist. We weave our tales, hoping to attain immortality, for our names and deeds to be forever etched in the minds of those who come after us. What the future holds we cannot fathom nor understand, and so we try to predict what is to come from the past.
Herein lies the element of time's cyclic nature. Almost everything natural is bound by time's cyclic forces, and once it makes its rounds, it comes back full circle. We have seasons, which go on year after year. We have the rotation of planets around the sun. But the most disputed of all these natural acts would be the course of human action. Are we bound by this cyclic nature? Will another Hitler rise up in the future? Will there be another superpower to match America's might? Will the choices we make be bound, if we can look back upon it and learn from the past? Therein lies the paradox.
History, as often propogated in the classroom, is the study of the past to learn from it. But one does question whether it has any use, or whether we are just playing the roles in a game of chance played by higher beings. Do we learn? Or are we doomed and destined to make the same mistake over and over again.
I do wonder really, whether I do learn from my history. Reflecting and thinking back, I see my errors, yet when choices come again, I repeat them. Yet it is not unknowingly, for I know that I am conscious of my choice. Yet there seems to be a lack of control over my life, as if there is some pre-destination that ensures I'm to be forever bounded by those issues. And one does wonder how something so wrong can seem like the best.
We dig up, search through the upheaveled mess in our past to search for the answers to the future. But what about the present? Where does it lie on a time line? What do we do, not then nor there, but now? Mistakes in the past carry wisdom for the future, but what does it hold for the present? What are we living in? Can existentialism be bound by time and space?
Questions unanswered. Musings about the larger issues of the human condition and life. Each time I go over a chapter of my life, it plays over and over in my memory, and it cannot be erased. Perhaps, the greatest book of history... is memory. The Watchers in the X-Men were beings who just watched and observed, noting everything that happened, but not playing a part in it. If such higher beings existed, perhaps the fusion of memories throughout time and space would unravel the truths we have all been seeking. But in truth, such an encyclopaedia and manual of life will never exist. We live based on instinct and advice.
I do wonder, whether that chapter in my life will come about again...
We live in the present, and know only what today has brought and will bring. There is no mention of tomorrow, for tomorrow never comes, and yesterday is but clouded in a fading mist. We weave our tales, hoping to attain immortality, for our names and deeds to be forever etched in the minds of those who come after us. What the future holds we cannot fathom nor understand, and so we try to predict what is to come from the past.
Herein lies the element of time's cyclic nature. Almost everything natural is bound by time's cyclic forces, and once it makes its rounds, it comes back full circle. We have seasons, which go on year after year. We have the rotation of planets around the sun. But the most disputed of all these natural acts would be the course of human action. Are we bound by this cyclic nature? Will another Hitler rise up in the future? Will there be another superpower to match America's might? Will the choices we make be bound, if we can look back upon it and learn from the past? Therein lies the paradox.
History, as often propogated in the classroom, is the study of the past to learn from it. But one does question whether it has any use, or whether we are just playing the roles in a game of chance played by higher beings. Do we learn? Or are we doomed and destined to make the same mistake over and over again.
I do wonder really, whether I do learn from my history. Reflecting and thinking back, I see my errors, yet when choices come again, I repeat them. Yet it is not unknowingly, for I know that I am conscious of my choice. Yet there seems to be a lack of control over my life, as if there is some pre-destination that ensures I'm to be forever bounded by those issues. And one does wonder how something so wrong can seem like the best.
We dig up, search through the upheaveled mess in our past to search for the answers to the future. But what about the present? Where does it lie on a time line? What do we do, not then nor there, but now? Mistakes in the past carry wisdom for the future, but what does it hold for the present? What are we living in? Can existentialism be bound by time and space?
Questions unanswered. Musings about the larger issues of the human condition and life. Each time I go over a chapter of my life, it plays over and over in my memory, and it cannot be erased. Perhaps, the greatest book of history... is memory. The Watchers in the X-Men were beings who just watched and observed, noting everything that happened, but not playing a part in it. If such higher beings existed, perhaps the fusion of memories throughout time and space would unravel the truths we have all been seeking. But in truth, such an encyclopaedia and manual of life will never exist. We live based on instinct and advice.
I do wonder, whether that chapter in my life will come about again...
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Arrgh
And I thought the night could not get any worse...
I feel really bad. Not bad in the feel bad way, but bad in the bad way. Oh nevermind. I'm incoherent anyway.
I feel really bad. Not bad in the feel bad way, but bad in the bad way. Oh nevermind. I'm incoherent anyway.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Losing Myself
I'm back to thinking too much, as usual. Once again I'm stuck pondering a particular topic, one which roots run through and through our lives, from our adolescence to our dying days - who am I? The ever quintessential question of identity - seeking it and finding it.
After spending much of last night (unproductively) doing online quizzes, I've been wondering about the validity of my answers and my supposed characteristic traits and attributes. I wonder whether I actually know myself in the way I profess to do. I wonder whether my results will differ from those of my perception, and why they might happen to be.
I wonder really: who am I? It's one of those questions that will never fade, even as life and time goes on...
Waiting for Godot, one of the best 20th Century plays (which I regret not doing my Lang Arts project on), perfectly captures the phase of my life at present. I'm waiting, like Vladimir and Estragon. But for what? In the play, Godot never comes. They are only told that he will come "tomorrow". But in reality, Godot never appears, not once in the play.
I guess I'm waiting for answers to life, and things to change. Or is that a fictional belief I've conceived? What am I waiting for really? What am I striving for? What is at the end of this maze of endless doors? When will I come across the final door which, when opened, does not lead to another pathway with a door at the end? Choices only lead to more choices. Will there ever be contentment? I think I'm searching for that; for appeasement. To still and calm the restless search for the unknown. I'm waiting, searching... not knowing what the future holds, or why I do what I do.
We wait. We wait for the chance that the next day will be better; that the sun will shine brighter. We wait to fill the gaps in our life with others who come and go, and when they do, we wait for the next person(s) to come along. We wait for the moment we gain fame and fortune after working our lives away. We wait for the acknowledgement of our labours. We wait for the requited love we all seek from friends and family, our loved ones. We wait to connect our hearts to those we miss. We wait for the weekend, for that brief respite. We wait for night, to know the tumultous day is over, and we can finally rest. We wait for time to pass; we wait to grow up. We wait - upon passing on from generation to generation. We wait for the meaning of life, or is it the coming of life? We wait for the passing of life... We wait.
But are all the things we wait for like what is said in Ecclesiates 4:6,7? Are they all not but a chasing after the wind? Are not all these things meaningless? By what validations, expectations, and purposes do we build our castles in the skies? Do we build for the past, present, future? Do we build for eternity? Can we wait for eternity? Are these all but meaningless under the sun?
Who am I? What am I waiting for?
I'm waiting for you, like I said I would.
What am I waiting for?
I'm waiting for the day You call me into Your Purpose.
What am I waiting for?
I'm waiting for revival.
After spending much of last night (unproductively) doing online quizzes, I've been wondering about the validity of my answers and my supposed characteristic traits and attributes. I wonder whether I actually know myself in the way I profess to do. I wonder whether my results will differ from those of my perception, and why they might happen to be.
I wonder really: who am I? It's one of those questions that will never fade, even as life and time goes on...
Waiting for Godot, one of the best 20th Century plays (which I regret not doing my Lang Arts project on), perfectly captures the phase of my life at present. I'm waiting, like Vladimir and Estragon. But for what? In the play, Godot never comes. They are only told that he will come "tomorrow". But in reality, Godot never appears, not once in the play.
I guess I'm waiting for answers to life, and things to change. Or is that a fictional belief I've conceived? What am I waiting for really? What am I striving for? What is at the end of this maze of endless doors? When will I come across the final door which, when opened, does not lead to another pathway with a door at the end? Choices only lead to more choices. Will there ever be contentment? I think I'm searching for that; for appeasement. To still and calm the restless search for the unknown. I'm waiting, searching... not knowing what the future holds, or why I do what I do.
We wait. We wait for the chance that the next day will be better; that the sun will shine brighter. We wait to fill the gaps in our life with others who come and go, and when they do, we wait for the next person(s) to come along. We wait for the moment we gain fame and fortune after working our lives away. We wait for the acknowledgement of our labours. We wait for the requited love we all seek from friends and family, our loved ones. We wait to connect our hearts to those we miss. We wait for the weekend, for that brief respite. We wait for night, to know the tumultous day is over, and we can finally rest. We wait for time to pass; we wait to grow up. We wait - upon passing on from generation to generation. We wait for the meaning of life, or is it the coming of life? We wait for the passing of life... We wait.
But are all the things we wait for like what is said in Ecclesiates 4:6,7? Are they all not but a chasing after the wind? Are not all these things meaningless? By what validations, expectations, and purposes do we build our castles in the skies? Do we build for the past, present, future? Do we build for eternity? Can we wait for eternity? Are these all but meaningless under the sun?
Who am I? What am I waiting for?
I'm waiting for you, like I said I would.
What am I waiting for?
I'm waiting for the day You call me into Your Purpose.
What am I waiting for?
I'm waiting for revival.
Your Purpose remains ;
Monday, September 11, 2006
Quizzes
| You Are 88% Happy |
 It's unlikely that you know anyone happier than you. You know how to be happy, no matter what life throws at you. |
| You Should Get a PhD in Liberal Arts (like political science, literature, or philosophy) |
 You're a great thinker and a true philosopher. You'd make a talented professor or writer. |
| Your Brain's Pattern |
 Structured and organized, you have a knack for thinking clearly. You are very logical - and you don't let your thoughts get polluted with emotions. And while your thoughts are pretty serious, they're anything from boring. It's minds like yours that have built the great cities of the world! |
| You Are 45% Left Brained, 55% Right Brained |
 The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports. |
| Your EQ is 160 |
 50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar. |
| Your Brain is 87% Female, 13% Male |
 You have the brain of a girly girl Which isn't a bad thing at all You're emphatetic, caring, and in tune with emotions. You're a good friend and give great advice. |
Let's all point and laugh at Isaac!
| Your Life Path Number is 3 |
 Your purpose in life is to express your unique self. You are a creative and artistic person with an interesting view on life. Witty and outgoing, you enjoy sharing your crazy ideas with anyone who will listen. A total social butterfly, you're the life of any party. In love, you inspire and enchant your partner. You are often an object of fantasy and desire. While you are very talented, you sometimes lack the ambition to put your talents in play. And while your wit carries you a long way, you occasionally use it to mask your true feelings. Your natural abilities can bring you all the success in the world ... if you let them |
| Your Element Is Earth |
 You excel at planning and strategizing. You could be a champ at chess or Survivor. Well grounded, you are able to be realistic and rationalize. On the inside, you have a hard core. It's tough to phase you. You are super productive, and you are able to think anything through. Focused and super charged, your instincts are a good guide for your next step. |
| Your Five Variable Love Profile |
 Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is high. You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person. And in return, you expect the same from who you love. Any sign of straying, and you'll end things. Experience Level: Your experience level is high. You've loved, lost, and loved again. You have had a wide range of love experiences. And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is medium. You tend to be the one with more power. You aren't a total control freak in relationships.. But of course you don't mind getting you way! Cynicism: Your cynicism is low. You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance. No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter. You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate. And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon. Independence: Your independence is medium. In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time." You usually find it easy to be part of a couple. But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered. |
| You Are Rain |
 You can be warm and sexy. Or cold and unwelcoming. Either way, you slowly bring out the beauty around you. You are best known for: your touch Your dominant state: changing |
| Your Values Profile |
 Loyalty: You value loyalty highly. You're completely devoted to your friends and family. Even if they totally screw up, you're still there for them. Just make sure they're equally loyal to you! Honesty: You value honesty a fair amount. You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it. If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it. In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity." Generosity: You value generosity a fair amount. You are all about giving, as long as there's some give and take. Supportive and kind, you don't mind helping out a friend in need. But you know when you've given too much. You have no problem saying "no"! Humility: You value humility a fair amount. You tend to be an easy going, humble person. But occasionally your ego takes over. You have a slight competitive streak - and the need to be the best. Tolerance: You value tolerance highly. Not only do you enjoy the company of those very different from you... You do all that you can to seek it out interesting and unique friends. You think there are many truths in life, and you're open to many of them. |
Haha right.
| Your Chances of Being a Multimillionaire: 100% |
 It's almost certain you'll be a multimillionaire. Just keep doing what you're doing. You are good with money, a creative thinker, and an ethical person. You might be the next Donald Trump! |
| Your Aura is Blue |
 Spiritual and calm, you tend to live a quiet but enriching life. You are very giving of yourself. And it's hard for you to let go of relationships. The purpose of your life: showing love to other people Famous blues include: Angelina Jolie, the Dali Lama, Oprah Careers for you to try: Psychic, Peace Corps Volunteer, Counselor |
| Your Power Color Is Lime Green |
 At Your Highest: You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary. At Your Lowest: You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in. In Love: You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated. How You're Attractive: Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room. Your Eternal Question: "What else do I need in my life?" |
| What Your Soul Really Looks Like |
 You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget. You are not a very grounded person. You prefer dreams to reality. For you, it's all about possibilities. You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you. Your near future is calm, relaxing, and pretty much what you want. And it's something you've been anticipating for a while now. For you, falling in love is all about the adventure and uncertainty. You can only fall in love with someone who keeps you guessing. |
| You Are From the Moon |
 You can vibe with the steady rhythms of the Moon. You're in touch with your emotions and intuition. You possess a great, unmatched imagination - and an infinite memory. Ultra-sensitive, you feel at home anywhere (or with anyone). A total healer, you light the way in the dark for many. |
| How You Life Your Life |
 You have a good sense of self control and hate to show weakness. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences. You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable. |
Safe, Not Sorry
I've dropped Chemistry, right before the exams.
Some would question why I would spend a year learning and dropping the subject, branding it a waste of time and effort. Well, don't get me wrong, I still love learning, that's for sure. But really, I think the year under Mr Low has been an absolute waste. He has not exhibited any teaching skills, for one. Two periods of online research without any directional guidiance is a waste of time for me. We go one big round, only to hear him say it's not right. I mean, it's fun learning new stuff as well, but it gets aggravatingly demoralising at times.
And besides, I don't want to let it pull down my GPA, like it did in Term 3. Out of History, Geog, Biology and Chemistry, Chemistry is the one I scored lowest for. Double As for the humanities, A for Biology, and an abysmal D for Chemistry last term because of my "incoherent" phrasing. And this once, just this once, for the sake of ACJC, I'll take my grades over my love for the subject. That's one less exam in October, and that's an extended weekend in the second week to study for Maths.
All in all, I think it's a good decision. I don't intend to take Chemistry next year anyway. I'm more or less settled with the arts combination, unless for some reason unbeknownst to me, I decide to take up Chem and Bio and shift to the Science stream. I have no idea why I cannot settle down on one particular thing I'm good at.
I like to think I'm good at most things I do. I know I've been kind of blessed. I'm not getting Gladia's grades, but on the other hand, I'm not stupid. I'm considered smart, and I'm not a freaking mugger. I can do sports decently well too. I'm going to pick up musical instruments in the holidays. I really envy people (not in the bad way) who can do all three - music, sports, studies. I guess to some extent, I look up to Sebas and Michael Teo quite a bit. For me, it's one area to work one, and I reckon I'll be content. Oh, and Shawn Tan too, except he's a slacker.
I think I'm getting burnt out. I've been sleeping alot nowadays. Getting sleepy far too often. Took a nap in the afternoon today, and I fell asleep after the Simpsons. Oh well... I need to pace myself well. It's the last lap already. I started off well, and I intend to maintain my pace and end it well. I am not going to burn out.
Some would question why I would spend a year learning and dropping the subject, branding it a waste of time and effort. Well, don't get me wrong, I still love learning, that's for sure. But really, I think the year under Mr Low has been an absolute waste. He has not exhibited any teaching skills, for one. Two periods of online research without any directional guidiance is a waste of time for me. We go one big round, only to hear him say it's not right. I mean, it's fun learning new stuff as well, but it gets aggravatingly demoralising at times.
And besides, I don't want to let it pull down my GPA, like it did in Term 3. Out of History, Geog, Biology and Chemistry, Chemistry is the one I scored lowest for. Double As for the humanities, A for Biology, and an abysmal D for Chemistry last term because of my "incoherent" phrasing. And this once, just this once, for the sake of ACJC, I'll take my grades over my love for the subject. That's one less exam in October, and that's an extended weekend in the second week to study for Maths.
All in all, I think it's a good decision. I don't intend to take Chemistry next year anyway. I'm more or less settled with the arts combination, unless for some reason unbeknownst to me, I decide to take up Chem and Bio and shift to the Science stream. I have no idea why I cannot settle down on one particular thing I'm good at.
I like to think I'm good at most things I do. I know I've been kind of blessed. I'm not getting Gladia's grades, but on the other hand, I'm not stupid. I'm considered smart, and I'm not a freaking mugger. I can do sports decently well too. I'm going to pick up musical instruments in the holidays. I really envy people (not in the bad way) who can do all three - music, sports, studies. I guess to some extent, I look up to Sebas and Michael Teo quite a bit. For me, it's one area to work one, and I reckon I'll be content. Oh, and Shawn Tan too, except he's a slacker.
I think I'm getting burnt out. I've been sleeping alot nowadays. Getting sleepy far too often. Took a nap in the afternoon today, and I fell asleep after the Simpsons. Oh well... I need to pace myself well. It's the last lap already. I started off well, and I intend to maintain my pace and end it well. I am not going to burn out.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Thank You Lord
For just sending people into my life when I'm at my lowest.
For always being there and letting me know that I can always turn to You no matter what.
For granting me your peace.
For letting me know in Your Presence there is no fear.
For holding me in Your Arms and keeping me safe in Your Embrace.
For being Lord over all - every situation and circumstance.
For picking me up when I fall.
For being my Strength.
For giving me a destiny I would exchange nothing for.
For calling me.
For moulding and shaping me.
For all You've done,
For always being there and letting me know that I can always turn to You no matter what.
For granting me your peace.
For letting me know in Your Presence there is no fear.
For holding me in Your Arms and keeping me safe in Your Embrace.
For being Lord over all - every situation and circumstance.
For picking me up when I fall.
For being my Strength.
For giving me a destiny I would exchange nothing for.
For calling me.
For moulding and shaping me.
For all You've done,
Thank You Lord
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Self
A post before I head off to Serene to study.
I guess after everything that has happened, I've learnt that I need to be more assertive and start making my own decisions. That hasn't been done in a long time, believe me.
At the end of the day, it comes down to what God wants really. I'm tired of thinking and reflecting.
I guess after everything that has happened, I've learnt that I need to be more assertive and start making my own decisions. That hasn't been done in a long time, believe me.
At the end of the day, it comes down to what God wants really. I'm tired of thinking and reflecting.
Jesus take the wheel ;
Monday, September 04, 2006
Yokes
I'm going to start studying. I think I'm slacking too much. Really.
Today was wasted. I don't want to talk about it.
I shall go out tomorrow and study. And there's the study session with the cell on Thursday, after which we'll probably end up playing pool. Wednesday's Bio project day. That's Friday for Geog. And well... I shall finish my History assignment tomorrow.
I shall do Chem and Math tomorrow. I shall attempt to crash course my way through Geog with Leonard's help when school reopens. History will be done across the weekend. Bio on Thursday.
Arrgh. Planning. I'm sick of it really. I'm getting annoyed and worked up at this organised mess that I'm in. It's an utterly paradoxical situation where I plan and plan so much that everything's so rigid and I'm losing the room for flexibility. I need that space. It's not the workload that's killing. It's... I don't know. I don't want to plan anymore. I hate seeing that nice list and crossing off things I've done and feeling good about it. Yet I cannot live in a mess and lose track of what I need to do. I probably am not making sense now.
And I hate thinking, but once again I'm back to the topic of friendships. Someone once asked me whether I'd rather have a million friends and seem popular, or a couple of close good friends. I chose the latter, but I'm seemingly stuck with the former. It's just hi's and bye's. I mean, I would take the time and effort to get to know people better, but I just don't have the resources right now. I need a break now. I need to be left alone.
The irony is that the people not in my life right now are the ones that really matter. I've given up on certain people. I'm tired of mentoring. I feel I've done my part, and I need a rest. I feel that forging friendships and relationships take so much out of me. If you don't realise this you probably don't mean alot to me, but that's a generalisation. I hate half-hearted relationships, but sometimes it's just forced upon me.
I feel so held back. I feel so weary. Even men of steel fall and stumble; we all have our kryptonite. I'm burning out and this is the wrong time for all this. I need to study hard. I need to get my grades. I need to get into that combination in ACJC. I need to... Or do I want to? I'm not even certain of why I do the things I do now.
It's time to let God handle everything and trust in His Perfect Plans. I need to find my rest in His Peace again. Now to find the time and be still...
Today was wasted. I don't want to talk about it.
I shall go out tomorrow and study. And there's the study session with the cell on Thursday, after which we'll probably end up playing pool. Wednesday's Bio project day. That's Friday for Geog. And well... I shall finish my History assignment tomorrow.
I shall do Chem and Math tomorrow. I shall attempt to crash course my way through Geog with Leonard's help when school reopens. History will be done across the weekend. Bio on Thursday.
Arrgh. Planning. I'm sick of it really. I'm getting annoyed and worked up at this organised mess that I'm in. It's an utterly paradoxical situation where I plan and plan so much that everything's so rigid and I'm losing the room for flexibility. I need that space. It's not the workload that's killing. It's... I don't know. I don't want to plan anymore. I hate seeing that nice list and crossing off things I've done and feeling good about it. Yet I cannot live in a mess and lose track of what I need to do. I probably am not making sense now.
And I hate thinking, but once again I'm back to the topic of friendships. Someone once asked me whether I'd rather have a million friends and seem popular, or a couple of close good friends. I chose the latter, but I'm seemingly stuck with the former. It's just hi's and bye's. I mean, I would take the time and effort to get to know people better, but I just don't have the resources right now. I need a break now. I need to be left alone.
The irony is that the people not in my life right now are the ones that really matter. I've given up on certain people. I'm tired of mentoring. I feel I've done my part, and I need a rest. I feel that forging friendships and relationships take so much out of me. If you don't realise this you probably don't mean alot to me, but that's a generalisation. I hate half-hearted relationships, but sometimes it's just forced upon me.
I feel so held back. I feel so weary. Even men of steel fall and stumble; we all have our kryptonite. I'm burning out and this is the wrong time for all this. I need to study hard. I need to get my grades. I need to get into that combination in ACJC. I need to... Or do I want to? I'm not even certain of why I do the things I do now.
It's time to let God handle everything and trust in His Perfect Plans. I need to find my rest in His Peace again. Now to find the time and be still...
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Crazy
That's what everyone said when they heard my response for my choice of subject combination for next year. Jonathan had to go and tell Michelle, and Michelle went on about how I would die with KI and 4 H2 subjects. But I guess they have a point.
So I guess I'm stuck with:
-KI (H2)
-Lit (H2 / H3)
-History (H2 / H3)
-Theatre Studies (H2)
-Econs (H1)
Yes, there is no Math. So sue me. I might do H1 Math instead of Econs, but we'll see.
Michelle claims TS and KI are heavy subjects and killers. Hmmm. I wonder if whether I'm being realistic, or just knowing that I can break out of the norm. I know I can do that. But where does one draw the line between vision and reality?
And it helps to know Jas thinks I'm nuts too. Now all I need is Sebas to slap me when he hears about it. Then I'll know from God.
(Don't we all sense the sarcasm...)
So I guess I'm stuck with:
-KI (H2)
-Lit (H2 / H3)
-History (H2 / H3)
-Theatre Studies (H2)
-Econs (H1)
Yes, there is no Math. So sue me. I might do H1 Math instead of Econs, but we'll see.
Michelle claims TS and KI are heavy subjects and killers. Hmmm. I wonder if whether I'm being realistic, or just knowing that I can break out of the norm. I know I can do that. But where does one draw the line between vision and reality?
And it helps to know Jas thinks I'm nuts too. Now all I need is Sebas to slap me when he hears about it. Then I'll know from God.
(Don't we all sense the sarcasm...)
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Confusion Never Stops
Ah how I miss Coldplay.
Hmmm... I can't decide. Decisions decisions, a thousand to make, and that means that there are at least two thousand options. Bugger.
Pushed for LCell on Friday night, then I rememebered that Sam's flying off then. Arrgh.
And there's Lang Arts night tomorrow.
Hmmm... I can't decide. Decisions decisions, a thousand to make, and that means that there are at least two thousand options. Bugger.
Pushed for LCell on Friday night, then I rememebered that Sam's flying off then. Arrgh.
And there's Lang Arts night tomorrow.
so take me back
to when we first loved ;
to when we first loved ;
Monday, August 28, 2006
Angel in Disguise
Angel in Disguise
by Corrinne May
I woke up this morning feeling kind of blue
and I stumbled out of bed and
dragged my feet across the room
Right outside my front door was a rose
and a note that said 'Somebody Loves You'
But out on the street it starts to pour
and before I get soaking wet,
A total stranger runs to give me
the jacket off his back
I turn around to thank him
But he waves me with a smile
And I can hardly believe my eyes
He puts on a halo and starts to fly
Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise
I met a good friend for lunch
and we had a delicious meal
But I forgot to bring my wallet
I felt like an imbecile
But she was sweet, she gave me a treat and
Bought me a chicken sandwich
To take home for tea
But out on the street with nothing to eat
A man and his shopping cart go
Travelling to places
Collecting social graces
I give him my sandwich
and we chatter for a while
I see a rainbow wash over his eyes
He gives me his halo and
I start to fly
Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise
Don't try to hide away from me
I know you're by my side
Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look at Paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise
Everyday can be legendary
Every minute, an endless surprise
You could be the next angel in disguise
I woke up this morning
Feeling kind of new
*****
One of the songs that touch your heart. Was going through letters and this one came up.
by Corrinne May
I woke up this morning feeling kind of blue
and I stumbled out of bed and
dragged my feet across the room
Right outside my front door was a rose
and a note that said 'Somebody Loves You'
But out on the street it starts to pour
and before I get soaking wet,
A total stranger runs to give me
the jacket off his back
I turn around to thank him
But he waves me with a smile
And I can hardly believe my eyes
He puts on a halo and starts to fly
Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise
I met a good friend for lunch
and we had a delicious meal
But I forgot to bring my wallet
I felt like an imbecile
But she was sweet, she gave me a treat and
Bought me a chicken sandwich
To take home for tea
But out on the street with nothing to eat
A man and his shopping cart go
Travelling to places
Collecting social graces
I give him my sandwich
and we chatter for a while
I see a rainbow wash over his eyes
He gives me his halo and
I start to fly
Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise
Don't try to hide away from me
I know you're by my side
Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look at Paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise
Everyday can be legendary
Every minute, an endless surprise
You could be the next angel in disguise
I woke up this morning
Feeling kind of new
*****
One of the songs that touch your heart. Was going through letters and this one came up.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Late Nights and Old Friends
I have no idea why I'm still up. There's no phone calls to take tonight, so I'm on MSN...
Sarah started a conversation and I guess it sparked off a long discourse on various issues that is still continuing at present. Somehow, I guess I missed talking to her from last year.
Hmmm... I should stop reading so much into things. It doesn't really help. Reading through old chatlogs do not help your cause. You piece the different pieces together, and you realise how you never saw the full picture of things, and so many different misunderstandings arise. But honestly, I would rather be obnoxious and oblivious to these things.
Sarah started a conversation and I guess it sparked off a long discourse on various issues that is still continuing at present. Somehow, I guess I missed talking to her from last year.
Hmmm... I should stop reading so much into things. It doesn't really help. Reading through old chatlogs do not help your cause. You piece the different pieces together, and you realise how you never saw the full picture of things, and so many different misunderstandings arise. But honestly, I would rather be obnoxious and oblivious to these things.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
The Surest Way
I don't want to be me anymore.
Get it or not, it's not my concern.
I think the surest way to kill me is to leave me questions without the answers (if there even are any).
Get it or not, it's not my concern.
I think the surest way to kill me is to leave me questions without the answers (if there even are any).
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Quizzes
Ideal School: ACS (I)
Mythical Creature: Angel (WHAAAAAT?!)
What fairy are you: Dark fairy.
Which Greek Creature are you: Pandora (Hmmm...)
What coloured eyes should you have: Brown (Supposedly represents smart people... Yeah right...)
Mythical Creature: Angel (WHAAAAAT?!)
What fairy are you: Dark fairy.
Which Greek Creature are you: Pandora (Hmmm...)
What coloured eyes should you have: Brown (Supposedly represents smart people... Yeah right...)
Bahhh
take me away to a world where
no one but us
breathe; speak; live; exist
all i know is
that i wanna make it with you
through the night
through all of eternity
Shitty piece. I currently feel like writing, but there's no inspiration. I need my muse...
I need to pick up a musical instrument. I shall learn how to play the guitar after the exams.
This is just incoherent. I feel as if there's something I need to do, but I can't put my finger on it.
no one but us
breathe; speak; live; exist
all i know is
that i wanna make it with you
through the night
through all of eternity
Shitty piece. I currently feel like writing, but there's no inspiration. I need my muse...
I need to pick up a musical instrument. I shall learn how to play the guitar after the exams.
This is just incoherent. I feel as if there's something I need to do, but I can't put my finger on it.
the art of being happy
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
The Stage of Life
Shakespeare once said most famously that, "All the world's a stage" and it has been quoted and misquoted time upon time.
We definitely can draw parallels between life and the theatre - the plays, the acting, the dramatisation. But are there parallels between life and the theatre of the age: the cinema?
Films and plays often attempt to bring across a message, to tell a story; to document an event; to provide insight into a situation. It establishes that based on a strong human connection and thus it allows us to relate to the characters at hand. Yet, humanity and what it means to be human is constantly being blurred. What's worse is that Hollywood distorts reality. We are now hypotised into believing we can all be heroes; that we can all save the day; we can take on tens of thousands in armed combat and escape unscathed. (Consider this with God and His Power aside, lest I am accused of heresy and whatnot.)
We are slowly, but surely, conforming a part of our consciousness, influenced by external forces into shifting and shaping reality into something that is not real. We are seduced by visual and graphic effects, stunts, and the blue screen. We no longer think and realise that it is no longer reality. Who needs to keep both feet on the ground when Hollywood tells us that we can all fly like Superman?
Movies and books, and other texts, convince us that the hero is the everyman, and that anyone can rise up to be great. Look at Frodo Baggins, King Arthur, and other examples of the hero given today. Right now, the concept of the anti-hero is so prominent. Rebellion and other distortion of virtues pervade our consciousness, and we believe these are now what is right and glorious.
Events portrayed in movies are so commonplace, that it further accentuates the belief that everyone can be a hero. And right now, I'm just caught in between. I know I can make that difference, to bring about that change, and to be great. Yet I do ponder whether my reality has been distorted; whether the truth does hold. I wonder when it comes down to making choices like they do in the movies, will I have the courage to make the right ones? And what are the right ones? What are the virtues that one must possess to save the world? What truth lies beneath visual effects and the blue screen? Can we really be what we see (and believe in)?
Superman speaks of how the world needs a Savior. And only You can save this world. I've always loved the song "Jesus You're My Superhero". Granted it was for Hillsongs Kids, but there such an alluring charm of innocence that we don't find anymore. It's the simple faith - faith that trusts that no matter what comes our way, He will be there. And I will testify to that.
And being someone's hero doesn't mean you have to save the world. What it means, is for you to find out on your own path of discovery.
To that someone: You've taught me how to change the world. Not by superhuman might or ability, but through prayer. Thank you.
We definitely can draw parallels between life and the theatre - the plays, the acting, the dramatisation. But are there parallels between life and the theatre of the age: the cinema?
Films and plays often attempt to bring across a message, to tell a story; to document an event; to provide insight into a situation. It establishes that based on a strong human connection and thus it allows us to relate to the characters at hand. Yet, humanity and what it means to be human is constantly being blurred. What's worse is that Hollywood distorts reality. We are now hypotised into believing we can all be heroes; that we can all save the day; we can take on tens of thousands in armed combat and escape unscathed. (Consider this with God and His Power aside, lest I am accused of heresy and whatnot.)
We are slowly, but surely, conforming a part of our consciousness, influenced by external forces into shifting and shaping reality into something that is not real. We are seduced by visual and graphic effects, stunts, and the blue screen. We no longer think and realise that it is no longer reality. Who needs to keep both feet on the ground when Hollywood tells us that we can all fly like Superman?
Movies and books, and other texts, convince us that the hero is the everyman, and that anyone can rise up to be great. Look at Frodo Baggins, King Arthur, and other examples of the hero given today. Right now, the concept of the anti-hero is so prominent. Rebellion and other distortion of virtues pervade our consciousness, and we believe these are now what is right and glorious.
Events portrayed in movies are so commonplace, that it further accentuates the belief that everyone can be a hero. And right now, I'm just caught in between. I know I can make that difference, to bring about that change, and to be great. Yet I do ponder whether my reality has been distorted; whether the truth does hold. I wonder when it comes down to making choices like they do in the movies, will I have the courage to make the right ones? And what are the right ones? What are the virtues that one must possess to save the world? What truth lies beneath visual effects and the blue screen? Can we really be what we see (and believe in)?
Superman speaks of how the world needs a Savior. And only You can save this world. I've always loved the song "Jesus You're My Superhero". Granted it was for Hillsongs Kids, but there such an alluring charm of innocence that we don't find anymore. It's the simple faith - faith that trusts that no matter what comes our way, He will be there. And I will testify to that.
And being someone's hero doesn't mean you have to save the world. What it means, is for you to find out on your own path of discovery.
To that someone: You've taught me how to change the world. Not by superhuman might or ability, but through prayer. Thank you.
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