She Said, She Said, She Said Why Don't You Just Drop Dead

Goodness. This is not good. I'm getting as emotional as the pms-ing population of the world. Okay, that was mean. But I'm sure I've made my point.

Despite the supposed light-heartedness of it all, I find myself getting increasingly affected and disturbed by certain...individuals. I don't even know why. It's just the mention of them or their presence that makes me really uncomfortable. It somehow just ticks me off.

I know we're supposed to be forgiving and all, but that has never really been my strong point. But looking back, I am reminded of the pride someone laid down to apologise for my sake (not to me), and I'm wondering why can't I do the same. It's not nice when you bottle up too much. You end up cracking and that's not really a good thing now, is it?

I think my vocabulary has been severely affected by Math. I'm typing like... a kid of sorts? Oh nevermind. I suppose kids are more innocent than we all are, and innocence is such an attractive quality, especially in a world so perverse and corrupt.

But really, I've found it an increasing struggle of late to make a stand for what I believe in. I'm not acting like I should be, and it's unknowingly become a part of me. I guess there are things that I need to change. If you told me I would be like this one year ago, I'd tell you you're insane. That's how much I've changed, and it's been oh-so-subtle.

And yes, there's the growing discontentment with regard to a specific area of my life which I appear highly involved in. It seems I'm perennially at odds with those people. I sense, somewhat, a prejudice starting to build up. It only happens to me, and not other people who go through the same thing. Someone once told me there are always two viewpoints to a matter - you can take it positively, or negatively. By natural instinct, I would react negatively and get all worked up about the whole issue. Yet, something deep down tells me to hang on, as there's more that's worth staying on for.

And the inner conflict ensues...