Shifting Sands

I'm taking a breather really. It's a Friday night, and one would wonder why I'm not out or asleep. The past weeks have been dreadfully hectic - projects of all kinds just seem to be piling up, despite my constant efforts to clear them off. I'm getting increasingly forgetful as well, which many would attribute to my busy schedule and all.

But perhaps there's more to it. Especially when you're living my life, you know you can never take anything at eye level. It astounds me how I totally forgot Charlotte and Rachel's birthdays. And how I haven't gotten Jeann anything yet, and I still owe her a letter. I wonder whether my priorities have changed, and whether certain people do mean as much to me as I profess. Granted, cards and presents do not mean everything, but to me, it's a sign of appreciation; to thank them for being a part of my life, no matter how large or small a part they have played. I really need to find time tomorrow to write the cards, and pass Jeann her present.

And sometimes, I do question whether I'm just caught in a web of deception, living life as it is, and losing the innate ability to question. I feel like I'm caught in hyperreality; I'm living a lie, and this isn't how it should be. But then again, one does question what reality is? What is "real" and "unreal"? Does seeing something make it real; or tasting; or touching it? What if you could feel it? I might do a more detailed post on reality and the like, but not just yet. Reality is not the physical environment we live in; it is in our minds. We project and craft only what we wish to see and believe. Realities are only real to those whom they belong to.

Those thoughts aside, and more pertinently, certain past issues are cropping up. One year does make quite a bit of difference, and I wonder if perhaps things have changed... And this just is not the right time for all these...

I think I'm numbing myself to the conflicts in life by convincing myself that I live on Cybertron. I'm so caught up with fantasies: those of ejecting transforming cassettes; those of flying jet planes; those of watching two cities battle; those of gestalts; those of reviving fallen leaders (all hail Galvatron).

I think I need to do some more reflection in the window of my soul.

Laserbeak: Eject
Operation: Reconnaissance