Where I End and You Begin

I'm on the road to completing studying for Promos. Finished Brave New World with Nicole today, and I think I'm done with Math. Be jealous.

And once again I'm back to the place where the world seems fine but I know it's not. I think I'll always have this struggle with God. When things are going good in my Walk, everything else crumbles and falls. When I'm falling away, life is good. Someone once asked why I did not fall away, seeing clearly, in his words, that life is better without God. But I know that's not true. Life with God was never meant to be a bed of roses. God molds us through challenges and trials, and we get stretched and we grow.

CF Installation today was good. I think I enjoyed service. It was a breather from grounds I know so well. I think I need to love my Comm though. I know I don't. It's like, more of a working relationship, but somehow that's not exactly right. I want God to work in us and through us for ACJC. Events like REW and Passion AC can't merely be events we hold due to tradition, but they are platforms for God to move. I admit I cannot understand the shallow, myopic, narrowmindedness of certain people, I seriously don't understand how they can do they things they do. But I know I need to reserve judgment, for it is not mine to give.

And maybe starting over was the best decision I've ever made this year. I think we're both happy now (I know I am). I know I'm beginning to trust; to open up; to learn to be vulnerable. I know I might end up hurt, but I'm learning to trust that you won't use me. People say we'll never really truly know or be able to describe what love is. I admit I'll never fully know what it means to love, or to even love, but from what I know of it, I know I do love you.

I still feel this song sums it up aptly.

Giving It Away
by Mae

By the way you brought me here
It makes me believe
The best is still yet to come
And I don't want to leave

Forgive my hesitation
But I'm learning to trust in you
Help me to dream these dreams
Because I don't have a clue

If you'd be honest
And say what you mean
You know I would promise
I'd do anything because
I know that without you
I'm giving it away

Is this what you wanted?
Cause I'm willing to change
Now that I'm certain
That there's much more to gain
You've introduced me to the moment
But I'm looking to stay for good
You asked me to stay forever
Well, you know that I would
I would do anything

If you'd be honest
And say what you mean
You know I would promise
I'd do anything because
I know that without you
I'm giving it away

The nights are forever
And maybe I'm wrong
But it feels like
I'm so lost without you
So I step towards the heat
It's the way I can see
And it makes me believe that it's you

By the way you brought me here
It makes me believe
The best is still yet to come
And I don't want to leave
I won't, but anyway

If you'd be honest
And say what you mean
You know I would promise
I'd do anything because

The nights are forever
I can't get to sleep cause
I know there's a reason
I'm in this too deep
And I'm sure that without you
I'm giving it away
Giving it away