Failure

Debate finals: we lost.

And I have no idea why it's so haunting. Scenes keep replaying themselves over and over in my head.

I should have said that earlier.

I missed this point out.

What do I say next.

Which of the 7 points do I tackle.

Perhaps I feel a sense of injustice is done. But really, I would rather everyone leave me alone right now. Now's not the time to tell me what went wrong. Now's not the time to have a laugh about how we made it this far with terrible group dynamics. Now's not the time to say the motion was against us - that's why we lost.

We lost because we failed to engage. We didn't lose because we weren't better; our case was slightly better than theirs. We lost because of our shortcomings, because we worked alone.

Half of me feels that it's alright, we should move on from here. The other half feels betrayed - who put in the most work to prepare for this? Who hounded the other two speakers for their speeches. Who was the one left with empty promises of quality that was never delivered?

I know, I'll never say it to their faces. And this lack of responsibility shown by my peers is just astounding. I work with a speaker who doesn't care about the outcome, and one who cannot give anything of standard. I'm not saying I'm without flaws, but I know I've done my part - for myself, and for the 'team'.

'Team'... Right. Something I never did believe in. Collective groups of individuals who cannot lay aside their selfish motives. I admit, I never like groupwork and all that. It makes you rely on others too much, when you know they'll let you down. Just take the SS globalisation blog for example. 3 out of 5 people have not posted, and it's week 6 already.

Really. I think I've had enough of this already. Perhaps this is the turning point for the year. I'm getting really really sick of the things in school: certain people (aside from the seemingly obvious ones), situations, projects, and the like. My patience is wearing thin, and I'm close to snapping. So push the wrong button, and be ready to incur my wrath.