Distance Barrier

Track today was good, seriously. Well, my first training after the exams, and guess what? Alvin decides to run to East Coast. 6-7km. Ran that in 32minutes, which seems quite okay for now. Did gym and other stuff after that. I'm dead beat, and I know tomorrow I'll wake up aching all over...

6-7km has been one of the longest runs I've had this year. I rarely do above 5km runs because I'm in middle-distance, and 5km is sufficient for stamina training, and speed's more vital in 800m and 1500m. Everyone can last the distance - it's whether you can complete it fast. Something that struck me from the run was how easy it was for me to give up along the route. I could have told Alvin that this wasn't for me, and ran a shorter distance. But somehow, something compelled me to push on; to break that distance barrier that I had set in my mind. The first 3km was a killer, but after winning the psychological battle up there, the next half was a piece of cake. Perseverence and mental determination - they make or break a race, especially middle and long distance ones.

Hmm, plans for tomorrow. Nothing confirmed, except that I'm still highly annoyed at a particular someone. Can anyone do something concrete for once? So many castles in the air without foundation, and sooner or later they'll fall down and bury you under the sea like Atlantis. Why do people propose so many ideas but refuse to work on them?! Goodness. The world is such an annoying place really.

It all boils down to attitude - your's sucks.

Life

I never thought I'd say this, but...

Life sucks.

Seriously. At least mine does. It's become such a drag.

And it's getting harder to hold on to You and all You said... It's so hard to be what other's expect me to be? I'm not a conformist, but that's how it is in certain systems isn't it?

It's at a point where I dare not expect or want anything from anyone anymore. I just get disappointed over and over. I feel the faith I had in people was never repaid. Yes I expect it to. My time and efforts are investments, and I expect a return, or least for certain people to learn and grow. Is that too much? Leading well is hard; too hard sometimes. I'm 15 and sometimes I think no one realises it. As much as they try to treat us as adults, the fact is we aren't. We need time... And here I am paying for someone else's lack of responsibility.

...and at times like this I remember someone and what the person would say. But I don't know that person anymore. We're just strangers now.

Three

Edlyn left for Shanghai today. And I totally forgot to drop her an sms or call before she left. I'm such a wonderfully nice person. Oh well, did eventually drop her an sms but she received it only upon touch-down.

Track today was cancelled due to the rain. Argh. Simply annoying. Did run during PE today though. Apparently we should've been playing ball games but due to our terrible fitness level, we had to run. Did 1.9km in less than 8minutes. Rather slow comfortable (almost warm-up) pacing. And somehow I managed to come in first. I should be rewarded for participating in such nonsense; like I definitely am so unfit that I will fail my 2.4km run next year. Right. If I get anything below 9minutes next year I'll scream.

I'm a celebrity. How nice. Classmates are making stupid videos of me in class. I never knew stoning in class was worth filming and making into a movie...

Speaking of school-related issues, I got a 3.67 (and 3.72 with IS) Grade Point Average for my whole year's work. Like, thanks alot you people who love exams. The supposedly little 40% pulled my GPA down by 0.7 at least. I had no As at all, proving that my 40% rubbish marks undid all my work for Math, History, Social Studies, and Geog. Dropped a band just because of one exam. Sciences were alright, GPA of 4 for each of them. I have to choose my combination by tomorrow...

Four

...more days till the end of term and the start of the two month long holiday.

No, I'm not looking forward to it. Apparently I'm up to my neck in 'other-ness' for the holidays that I have no plans for myself. I've to meet up with my cell members, plan certain outings, confirm whether there is going to be a chalet (much talk, nothing done), and more.

Then there are projects to be completed, and knowing my classmates, they'll only start 3 days before school starts. It's annoying frankly.

Everything around is so chaotic. There seems to be no time for rest at all, despite it being much deserved. And no, friendships in which I once found solace cease to exist. Friends are moving on to different things in life, and our paths no longer cross. Some might literally be moving on...

And there's always the transition to a new ministry - yet another change. I can't be open about how I feel, because as usual, any deviation from excitement is heresy and I will be charged with not setting a good example and misleading other people. I shall just bottle up and drown then, without any air to breathe.

Systems are flawed; some more than others. Why do we even strive for a utopian world? Is there really anything better out there or is it just another illusion? Utopias don't exist, but we always try to hit the next nearest target - being near-perfect. But everything is merely a matter of perspective isn't it?

So many things to say, but I will practice self-censorship.

One day I will move abroad to pursue my dreams. The climate here is simply not for me.

Untitled

So I try to hold on to a time when nothing mattered...

Perhaps there is some truth even in the songs we feel are below us.

The world corrupts, and innocence is a value long gone. Strangely enough, I feel drawn to it... Oh well...

Woke at 12 in the afternoon today, after phone calls last night. Certain people send extremely weird smses I swear. _____ & _____. Yeah right. Wasting smses just to send two names, repeated throughout, to me to annoy me. What rubbish.

I feel like going for a run. I feel unfit; I'm becoming fat. How terribly dreadful. I might go pool later. Oh yeah, I need to call Bronson...

Why

Apparently my classmates have a new topic of discussion, and it will apparently last till school ends for the year. Every conversation I overhear involves psycho-analysing some other classmate, and honestly, I find it amusing. Everyone seems to have an innate desire to know more about someone else; to understand and comprehend them; to seek an explanation for every action and word said - being curious is being human, or so they say.

I never really did understand the logic behind doing so. Would understanding anyone help you be a better friend to him or her? Perhaps so. You become more understanding, and empathising once you realise how pitiful they are. You become more accepting when you know their background and culture.

Yet it's gone to the extent of being critical of every single detail. I mean seriously, who tries to psycho-analyse someone over a game of bridge?! Goodness. I never do get my classmates at times. Aspiring to be great in their own way - to be noble, different. Sometimes simplicity is the best option to take...

And for all my classmates' attempts at understanding others, I remain top of the list of people they cannot come close to breaking down. I admit, I've always been complex, complicated; a pastiche of interwoven characteristics bearing polaric extremes. Like I previously mentioned, I enjoy anonymity and secrecy, although privacy is sometime I long for but never get. I simply do not wish to be well read like any other book. I prefer to think I'm above that - the same reason why most ordinary people do not pick up any of Umberto Eco's books, or Italo Calvino's If On A Winter's Night A Traveler. I refuse to be annotated, to be understood by the masses - I am not cheap print. Jonathan has followed me around for the past 5 years, and even he admits he does not know the 'real' me. (Ooh, real. What is real? Simulation and Simulacra. Haha.) I don't think anyone does... Perhaps this is how I hide my insecurities. Everyone has them, even myself. The difference lies in how we approach and deal with them - do we bare them or hide them? I never liked exposing my weaknesses, and that's why I don't trust easily anymore. I don't want to be understood, manipulated, made use of. Not that it's happened before, but control is power, and the draw to control instead of being controlled is one too alluring.

And because of this anonymity, people do fear me. No, I'm not some Dark Lord with a Ring of Power looking to destroy Middle Earth, sadly. There's a fear - one of awe, respect, yet at the same time, dislike - when people do approach me. I guess I'm possibly viewed as arrogant by some people, but I believe I have a cause to be. (Yeah yeah, humility.) Strangely enough, Jane said that there's something about me that...contradicts. Once people know me, it's like an addiction (huh?!) and they press on in curiosity to know more. I never knew that, but maybe it's just her. Haha. But it does hold some truth though. The more distant I try to portray myself, the more people seek an answer to ease their troubled minds. People fear those superior to themselves; it's somewhat natural I think. I think my intellect scared the wits out of Singapore's Brainiest Kid 2005 (who happens to be my brother's classmate and tags his blog). The poor kid refuses to reply now. Heh.

Oh well, more to discover along the way. 15 years of life, and so much to say...

Classmates

I never did realise it, but after this week, it's only 1 more week together as a CG for us in 2005. In all honesty, I haven't made up my mind as to how to react to this 'shocking news' yet, if that is indeed possible. I don't know how next year will be; how things will change; how people will grow and mature (if ever possible), and I don't want to live in regret again, knowing that I should treasure what I had when I had it. It happened so often along the period of this year, bringing me to tears on more than one occasion where I had to bemoan the loss of something or someone important, that I hold dear still.

I don't know how people live life without looking back, without regrets. How do they make the 'right' decisions in life? If they don't, how do they maintain that positive attitude to take on whatever Change throws their way, and conquer it. Many times I've fallen to Change and her winds of time that bring about a metamorphosis of all things she comes into contact with. I just cannot deal with it. I've been told I hold on too much; give too much of myself. But when faced with that, I ask myself, "Is it worthwhile? Has it been worth my while sacrificing myself for those around me; those that matter?"

It saddens me that for this year, the answer is no. It has not been worthwhile. I'm not craving to be rewarded for what I've done, but sometimes a little appreciation doesn't hurt.

The only two semblances of appreciation would be my birthday cards - one from my cell, the other from close friends. The card from friends still means alot, and I look upon it each time I'm disheartened by things around me; I know people (hopefully) still care. But the card from my cell means more. The little notes on the little card from Clio, Mark Yong, Corinne, Dawn and Fabian have been what kept me going; giving myself for them. I see the potential in them - potential for greatness, despite whatever state they are in now.

Sigh. Today's just been another day of reflection. In spite of my pathetic Term 4 results, I've realised that others have done worse. Not that I'm rejoicing, but more of the fact that there was a chance things could have been alot worse. My hopes aren't set too high, for fear of disappointment, but I'll trust God. Whatever plans He has for me next year, they are perfect. I'm holding on to Jer 29:11, and that verse is, the in words of a friend, amazing.

Sixteen

That's the number of movies left to catch during the holidays.

Flightplan was absolutely terrible! Suspense attempts aside, the plot was unrealistic and unclear for most of the show. The build up was so sloth-like I almost fell asleep. And whatever happened to the Arab guy? Why was he mistaken if so?

I'm sorry, but you don't leave things hanging like this in a movie. I hate/detest/abhor/resent deus ex machina endings. Goodness, I don't pay $8 to see Portia find a flaw out of nowhere in the bond made between Shylock and Antonio. It's just stupid, really.

Kids came over today. I realise I have this...affinity with kids, as much as I wish to deny it. I somehow get along with them, understand them. And I realised deep down I care for them, though I mask it pretending to scrutinise and criticise their ways and actions. It's actually more of care and concern which I refuse to explicitly shower on them (or anyone for that matter). Some part of me is just so protective, refusing to let them make mistakes (like wasting $10 on neoprints), and I'm left wondering why.

Really. Why on earth do I have such maternal instincts, so to speak. Why do I care or even bother? I don't need to be affected and disappointed by more people, yet this seems inevitable.

A certain school's exams end tomorrow, supposedly. Certain people seem to be gloating over the fact that exams are soon to be over when really, the results - receiving them and dealing with the waves of trauma and shock that come crashing down upon bitter disappointment; one after another - are the larger obstacles to tackle. It's just so ironic that we often try to chuck away and hide in our memory what we strive so hard for. We live the moment of euphoria, elan, or for others, sadness and grief, before moving on, forgetting that feeling and the grade.

Underachievement

My results are terribly disappointing, that's all I can say.

I think three terms of hard work have just gone down the drain, and I'm left questioning why I always stumble at the final hurdle. It's been that way since Pri 6. The overconfidence perhaps. I swear I have never done so badly in my whole first year in TJ, and I have to mess up my 40% component for my grades.

I'm getting marks between 50-70, which are terribly low. To rub it in, 29/50 for History, a subject I topped for 3 terms. Language Arts was messed up; my essay was a complete failure. I swear if anyone asks about my marks I will strangle the person.

But really, I still cannot get why I don't learn. Why do I always take for granted that what has been will continue 'being'. Why do I assume just because I average a 4.3GPA for the past three terms that it will continue? Very rightly so, it didn't. I mean, I studied, but I know it wasn't my best. It's a total issue of underestimating things I guess? Pride tells me I can get through without giving my best. Oh well. That's going to change.

Only consolation is that I'm 1/3 in class who did not fail any subject, thus my subject combination choices are more open, as I can take anything, if my year's average GPA is above 3, which I seriously hope it is, especially seeing the final term's results.

The only high note of the day was that I managed to score decently for Chinese. But my overall result isn't that good. 53% only. I think I know why - class participation. I don't talk at all in Chinese classes. Oh well. It's 15% of your total marks. That hurts.

And I wonder, if I had actually opted to take my O's, would it have been this disastrous. If it would have been, then thank God for IP. Otherwise... I fairly sure I definitely capable of a 6 for O's, at most an 8. And I would definitely be somewhere else. But I shall stop bemoaning the decisions I've made; even now I do not know if it was the right one. Just trusting in Him to guide me through, and know His Plans for me are perfect.

Abandonment

Just came back from watching The Myth. Was rather good, but I'm not in the mood to write a review. Just wondering why most recent shows that I've seen are autoreflexive. Tolkien's works are copyrighted surely...

Bridge is a wonderful game to pass the time in school. Burnt away three hours playing, and finally headed to IMH. The visit wasn't that bad. I did rather enjoy the time with those people there. It really spoke to me about the things in life we take for granted - the ability to be considered normal was the most poignant. I guess we never really do treasure what we have. I simply cannot imagine myself staying in the same room, doing the same things day after day, yet enjoying it. The nurses told us that the patients really like it when they have visitors - they feel honoured to have people notice them and realise their existence.

And God speaks in the strangest ways. I almost teared there when He said, "I love My People - even them." And I guess what I felt next was all the emotions - the rejection mainly - that those patients felt. Abandoned by their own family for being different, it really does hurt. The thing that annoys me the most is that one week from now, I'll probably forget how that feels and continue living life the same way. Nothing seems to make a large enough impact these days. Sigh...

Touch

You know sometimes I think I need to be more...self-centred, so to speak. I find that I give too much of myself at times, and it's killing me, again. I never do learn.

But yet I think I'm going about it wrong. I committing less to so many things, backing out of issues with people I know I can deal with. Why am I so...scared? It's the latest realisation that deep down, there's just that fear to go deeper into any relationship or friendship.

Please no, do not come and annoy me further and ask what's wrong. I just wish for some solitude to clear my head; to clear the air in my head. Everything's been a maelstrom of confusion for the past few weeks - disappointment with the results (performing under my expectations, again), relationship issues with certain people (and not entering into one with others due to that fear again).

What are the root causes of the demise, or in my case, the distancing of the self from friendships? Why don't we dare to believe in others; dare to trust them? I guess it's a security issue, where we fear we get hurt again. It's so prevalent in this world.

And friendships are getting colder instead of warmer, more mechanical instead of intimate. This stems from the fact that we're omitting one key sensorial part of ourselves - touch. Why does a single act of touching someone lead to thoughts of something erotic or sexual? Why can't we hold the hands of those we love, look them in the eye and say we'll be there for them without having the fear of being misunderstood?

It's not sexuality or sensuality, but rather, an innate human need. We craved as children to be picked up, to feel the warmth of embrace; to feel loved. That is essentially it. Touch - it goes beyond any connection made, yet it is so simple. We want to feel the warmth - the lifesource - of another. It is a language in itself - one that transcends the signifier and the signified - with it's own grammar, vocabulary, and rules. Some say it embodies love itself.

"It is the sense of touch, in a city you walk, you brush past people and people bump into you. In LA nobody touches you. We’re always behind this metal and glass. It is that sense of touch. I think we miss that so much that we crash into each other just so we can feel something."

Lines from the opening scenes of Crash which we caught a glimpse of. And I guess it's true. We hide behind metal and glass, ever so numb and afraid to feel life. We see life, hear life, taste life, smell life, but we don't feel life - that's why we never live life. So what do we fear? We fear we will not be touched in return. That's why we hide behind metal and glass...

Beach Clean-ups and Coffee Beans

My title's interesting. BC and CB. Get it? If not nevermind... It's absolutely nonsensical, but it's not my fault that I have a Bio presentation to work on during the post-exam period. It's madness, and I respond accordingly.

Back to the post, had to clean the beach at East Coast Park for CIP today. Kenneth, Jonathan and I just walked around, picked up two beer cans, a pair of slippers and several planks of wood (our bags were really heavy, so we looked like we picked up alot of thrash) before heading to Coffee Bean for breakfast. You can't blame us. We had to compete with swarms of CHIJ Kellock and Temasek Secondary people attack the beach with thongs in one hand and garbage bags in the other. (Please don't be an idiot and interpret this the sick and twisted way like the majority of people who heard me say this earlier in the day...) When we arrived, there was barely anything left, so yeah. We did try you know.

After 45minutes of meaningless conversation, guess who drops by Coffee Bean? Our dear teachers; they too needed a bite to eat. And Kenneth tried to predict what Marcus Tan would do to us when he saw us. Speculation gets nowhere, and everything does not go as planned, resulting in Kenneth saying, "We're here because we're on shifts and we're not on duty now - like policemen." I mean, like policemen?! Very good analogy.

CIP after school hours should be banned! I am so not going to IMH tomorrow at 1pm! I want to watch Corpse Bride! I have nothing against spending time with the patients, honestly. I have an issue with missing a movie. 18 more to go.

Goal was good. Into The Blue was rubbish. Let's see where Corpse Bride stands.

I'm feeling on top of the world. I wonder why... It's good to be back up here.

Plasma Television Sets

Last day of the weekend. Will be heading down to Jeann's place after breakfast to marvel at the new plasma television set. How weird.

"They're coming over to see the new plasma tv."

I rolled my eyes. Seriously. Oh well, whatever fascinates them.

Post-cell events are often...eventful. Heh. Weird things do happen at Macs, and it's not the first time too. Oh well.

There's more to be said, but ironically, freedom of speech is not granted if it portrays others in a bad light. But then again, aren't we given the freedom to feel aggrieved, incensed, annoyed? Aren't we given the freedom to question why? Yeah sure, the tone and motive behind questioning why is the key factor in determining dissent or curiosity. More so, the decision is so unpopular that any opposition is called an act of dissent.

Such is the hold that keeps the discipline in where we stand.

Failure

So no one tells me there's no LCell today, when a certain email said so. Waste of time heading down to church, really. So much for being responsible. Certain people refuse to pick up their phones, so yeah.

I'm contemplating not going for cell tomorrow as part of a plot of revenge. Childish, insane, whatever. I'm serious.

I never knew today was someone's birthday. How weird. And why and how am I supposed to know? Everyone made it seem like I'm this ignorant, self-centred person who doesn't remember someone's birthday and broke someone's heart. Yeah right. I didn't even know. No one told me. So I'm supposed to find out, when I'm not even playing a part of this? So much for intellect.

Open House was alright. Whole lot of VS Track & Field people came down. Heh. Thing is, if they do well, they would obviously go to VJ. If they do badly, but are good, they appeal to VJ and still get in. So we're left with second choice people. How sad.

Average GPA for my Sciences is 3.0 - the bare mininum needed to take triple Science next year. Then again, I'm probably going for the Humanities. My exam marks are absolutely sub-par and disgusting. I passed, I did better than most; but I did not meet my own standards. I mean, so what if you beat people who are average? You need to aim further to get further. Competing with them gives me no kick really. Then again, there are smarter people than them in IP, whom I've yet to really challenge and match. Maybe it's because I'm getting apathetic with the 'heck care' attitude. I swear it's part of being a teenager. Argh.

It's been a bad day, and a bad week, I think. Looking forward to my talk with Twin after cell tomorrow. Yes, I'm going for cell, obviously. I don't neglect 'priorities' (ha, right) in life.

Boredom Kills

Really. It drove me to the point of desperation, resulting in my doing this. Got this off Edlyn's blog.

But before that, let's outline my schedule of things to do tomorrow:
-swimming PE
-games in school
-returning of Bio Paper
-TJC Open House (man the Track & Field Booth)
-visit the opening of Mark's mum's shop
-go for LCell

It's a busy day. Arghh. I might just miss LCell. Should I? It's a rush there really. Hmmm...



Seven things you plan to do before you die:
1. Get my autobiography published.
2. Free myself from the teenage phase of my life. Ha.
3. Travel the world, experiencing new cultures.
4. Play professional pool. (Yeah right.)
5. To live life to the fullest - without regrets.
6. Become a teacher.
7. Fulfill God's Plan for my life.

Seven things I could do:
1. Sleep now.
2. Read my trilogy of borrowed books. (Of which I've only touched one book.)
3. Write my biodata on Michelle's farewell/graduation card.
4. Write poetry.
5. Watch the telly.
6. Go to J8 to see what shops are left open.
7. Start an sms/MSN conversation.

Seven Celebrity likes:
1. Ashton Kutcher.
2. Chris Evans.
3. Tom Cruise.
4. Anthony Hopkins.
5. Ian McKellen.
6. Christopher Lee. (Not the Chinese one... Duh.)
7. Myself, of course. (Yeah, go ahead, conclude I'm gay. Sure.)

Seven often repeated words:
1. Uhhuhh.
2. Riiight.
3. Haha.
4. Fwah. (It's a word, believe me.)
5. Yeah.
6. Nong.
7. Shoots.

Seven physical traits I look for in the opposite sex (superficial, but oh well... hmm...):
1. Nice eyes.
2. Height. (No short people. Eat your heart out Melanie. Ha.)
3. Figure. (Err, not fat? As in really fat, not skinny anorexic girls who think they're fat. And definitely not skinnier than me!)
4. Hair. (No fritzy hair. I'm not Shawn. Disgusting.)
5. Not muscular/body-builder-ish. (I'm not Yong Jin. Disgusting, again.)
6. Legs. (It's a track thing I think. I have beautiful legs. Be jealous.)
7. Smile. (Go figure...)

10 REALLY RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME

1. I'm have about one tree's worth of paper on my table.
2. I'm listening to Speed of Sound for the 48th time on iTunes now.
3. I sleep on the journey home everytime, unless disturbed.
4. I have Pringles next to my bed.
5. I use 0.38mm pens to write; matches my minute handwriting.
6. I need to buy a new iPod/Nano.
7. I'm ambidexterous. (I seem to be losing my ability to write with my left hand though. Argh.)
8. If I could be anybody, I'd be God. (Being all knowing would help make alot of things clearer.)
9. I detest people asking me whether I'm okay.
10. I think having a crush is stupid. (Ha.)

9 WAYS TO WIN MY HEART (oh the irony...)

1. Be smart/intellectual.
2. Do not act like an attention-seeking retard.
3. Call me, I enjoy teleconversations compared to MSN.
4. Common interests I guess.
5. Match my level of wit and sarcasm.
6. Be physically active. (Exercise! What were you thinking?! Goodness... Fat people are a turn-off.)
7. Be accomodating, understanding; I do have random mood-swings.
8. Be really sweet, nice, and smile.
9. Be [insert name here]. (I bet you can't fulfill this! I don't even know what I'm talking about. Maybe I do. Go figure.)

8 THINGS I CARRY / WEAR EVERYDAY

1. Spectacles.
2. Handphone.
3. Watch.
4. Clothes.
5. Shoes.
6. Deuter bag (either one).
7. Wallet.
8. Tissue paper? (I ran out of thing, so it's the first thing I saw.)

7 THINGS THAT ANNOY ME

1. People who do not speak fluent/good/coherent English. (e.g. "I want go toilet.")
2. People who type lyk dis.. lolx.. hahaz..
3. People asking whether I'm okay.
4. Messed up wireless internet connections that interrupt my MSN conversations.
5. Math teachers that expect you to give reasons and complete workings for every question in an exam.
6. People who act sophisticated and try to blog about philosophical issues when they actually have no idea what on earth they're rambling about / People who post rebuttals to tags that contradict themselves and make themselves look extremely stupid.
7. People who mug their butts off and tell you that they're going to fail.


6 PLACES I'VE VISITED (lower case) OR INTEND TO (upper case)

1. China
2. Japan
3. Australia
4. SWITZERLAND
5. THE BAHAMAS
6. NEW ZEALAND (LOTR filmsite.)

5 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE

Didn't I answer this above?

4 THINGS I'M AFRAID OF

1. Loneliness (human condition...)
2. Not meeting my expectations.
3. Losing people that matter.
4. People who know too much about me.

3 THINGS I DO EVERYDAY

1. Think.
2. Breathe.
3. Talk.

2 THINGS I'M TRYING NOT TO DO NOW

1. Eat.
2. Remember what I have to do by tomorrow.

1 PERSON I WANT TO SEE NOW

1. (insert name). Go figure. It's my answer when I have no answer. Use your imagination.

A Shared Experience

Loneliness is a shared experience. That's the thought of the day for you people out there. It's true! Reading through several adolescents' blogs, 4/5 will whine and complain about how messed up life is; how no one seems to care, seems to understand them; how they need to seek someone to be with.

There's nothing wrong honestly with it. I guess you could say, generally speaking, that we all seek to be understood. (Go write more then.) But it's the way they all come across in their various pitiful angsty ways.

Some idealists believe that friendships can be without a motive or hidden agenda, and seek that kind of friend. But realistically, can that ever happen? Can a friend truly accept you for you in today's world? Think about it. Society is ever becoming a dog-eat-dog one, and people stab you in the back all the time. To be without a motive or agenda is to be without a purpose and expectation - these cannot be dispelled from any relationship, or it will be pointless. You cannot have a 'friend' who is not expected to talk to you, meet up with you, care for you. It's subtle, but we do want that. Maybe that was extreme, and people want the basics. But isn't that still a form of expectation?

I'm not saying that 'real, true friends' don't exist. I'm asking you to prove me wrong. Everyone has agendas; myself not exempted.

F Maths II

56/100. Unbelievable really. For Maths, that is.

Would anyone want to tell me why I'm expected to write every step of my working to get my works? Can anyone tell me why I have to explain why (square root x) cannot be negative? Argh.

What kind of Math Paper has comments like 'why?', or 'explain why ______', or 'how is this so?' It's not some comprehension passage. I got the answer right! But no, I have over 20-30 marks deducted for WORKING MARKS!

The best comment was something like 'Area of what?' because I wrote 'Area = ... ... ... = something', but no, you must write 'Area of Figure ABCDE = ...' What on earth!

Thank God for the rather enjoyable hip-hop workshop thing. I can dance, believe it. Stop staring in disbelief you jealous pigs out there.

Classroom class-up was rubbish.

I really needed to let my thoughts out. 56 for Math is disgusting, revolting, and (insert string of synonyms here). And the thing is many people got higher than me, which is rare. I think my Math supremacy is fading.

Flight

Learn to Fly
by A1

When you feel the dream is over
Feel the world is on your shoulders
And you lost the strength to carry on
Even though the walls may crumble
And you find you always stumble through
Remember never to surrender to the dark
Cuz if you turn another page
You will see that’s not the way
The story has to end

And if you need to find a way back
Feel you’re on the wrong track
Give it time, you’ll learn to fly
Tomorrow is a new day
And you will find your own way
You’ll be stronger with each tear that you cry
Then you’ll learn to fly

In your head, so many questions
The truth is your possession
The answer lies within your heart (within your heart)
You will see the doors are open
If you only dare to hope and you
will find a way to fight
The fears that kept you down
Cuz if you turn another page
You will see that’s not the way
The story has to end

And if you need to find a way back
Feel you’re on the wrong track
Give it time, you’ll learn to fly
Tomorrow is a new day
And you will find your own way
You’ll be stronger with each tear that you cry
Then you’ll learn to fly

Looking at your situation
There’s so much that you can do
Now’s the time to make your stand
This is just an observation
In the end it’s up to you
The future’s in your hands

And if you need to find a way back
Feel you’re on the wrong track
Give it time, you’ll learn to fly
Tomorrow is a new day
And you will find your own way
You’ll be stronger with each tear that you cry
Then you’ll learn to fly

Give it time
Then you’ll learn to fly

Chemistry

Isaac has many valence electrons and can react with many other elements. The bonds between Isaac and other elements are ionic and thus, strong.

Haha. Okay, I shall stop my rubbish extended metaphor. Go figure what that means.

Round the Final Bend

Triple Science is over. Excellent. Only Chinese is left.