Four

...more days till the end of term and the start of the two month long holiday.

No, I'm not looking forward to it. Apparently I'm up to my neck in 'other-ness' for the holidays that I have no plans for myself. I've to meet up with my cell members, plan certain outings, confirm whether there is going to be a chalet (much talk, nothing done), and more.

Then there are projects to be completed, and knowing my classmates, they'll only start 3 days before school starts. It's annoying frankly.

Everything around is so chaotic. There seems to be no time for rest at all, despite it being much deserved. And no, friendships in which I once found solace cease to exist. Friends are moving on to different things in life, and our paths no longer cross. Some might literally be moving on...

And there's always the transition to a new ministry - yet another change. I can't be open about how I feel, because as usual, any deviation from excitement is heresy and I will be charged with not setting a good example and misleading other people. I shall just bottle up and drown then, without any air to breathe.

Systems are flawed; some more than others. Why do we even strive for a utopian world? Is there really anything better out there or is it just another illusion? Utopias don't exist, but we always try to hit the next nearest target - being near-perfect. But everything is merely a matter of perspective isn't it?

So many things to say, but I will practice self-censorship.

One day I will move abroad to pursue my dreams. The climate here is simply not for me.