Leaving or Gone?

Once again I'm forced to confront issues that I've swept under the carpet. I thought they were laid to rest, for good. But the sudden resurgence of guilt weighs ever so heavy on my conscience, and I cannot but stop to ponder on what has resurfaced.

Maybe I thought that certain chapters of my life were over, and that it would be okay and move on and start afresh. But once again, I realised when it came to the crossroads; when I had to make a choice, I fall short of redemption. I'm still stuck in the past. There's a leap of faith I'm not willing to take. There's a bond that holds me back; there are people I still hold on to.

The mere mention of something in class today set everything in motion, leading up to a near outburst and breakdown. Maybe it's the culmination of so many events, so many facades that slowly wear me out. Maybe I try to act amused when you tell me such things. Maybe it's all just for a laugh, and like you claim, "highly inprobable". Yet, it irks me - unresolved issues resurrect and haunt me again.

I'm not ready to move on. So just stop already. You people probably will never read this, and may never know, and I probably will never speak out against it; like Kerry once said, it's a rites of passage. But maybe people should know when they rub salt into a wound, especially an open one.

I took the step to admit: my life isn't perfect, as much as it may seem.

Again I do wonder, the sacrifices I make - are they worthwhile? Is what is right necessarily good? We claim to do things in the best interests of others; and back then I should have been selfish.

Questions ... of progress
Oh let's go back to the start

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would this hard
Take me back to the start