Bridging

Section outing today. Supposed to meet the LCell to run in the morning, but it had to rain. So we went to Jessie's place, changed, and went shopping for groceries.

Went back to her place, cooked the stuff, waited for people to arrive. I must say the gel and glorify was not bad; well planned, I might add.

Time of singing stupid secular songs, which I did not play a part in. Was too enveloped in my own thoughts... Thoughts of a distant place, not too far away. (Yeah right.) Still holding on I guess. I need to let go. I don't want to let go. God, help... I'm just afraid to let You have Your Way in my life now. I still can't totally surrender everything. I'm glad I stopped running away from Your Calling in my life, but still, there are always other issues.

I'm glad certain people asked if I was okay. And I'm sorry if I was cold towards certain people today, I'm just rather out of sorts. Ended up physically, emotionally, and mentally drained after 7pm, although I did have a nice chat with Christal. Haven't talked to her in awhile. Ex-classmates, and now we're not even as close as many others are. Strange, but I'm not going to bother asking myself why.

I'm not for relationships. I'm not for marriages. I'm scared. Honestly. Perhaps it's a little like what Bronson said - rejection. But I still think it's largely due to the fear of commitment. I don't foresee myself spending the next half of my life with someone else, and sticking to that. I don't think I'm that capable of living with decisions, especially when I have to change my gadgets every now and then. What more about relationships then?

Deep down, I know I haven't resolved anything yet, but I'll try, and let God. The brokeness hit me especially hard these two days, but I daresay I'm taking it alright. If this happened two months back, I'd have been dead already, and in a much worse state.