Lessons in the Classroom

Hmm. Term draws to a close to a month's time, perhaps a little more. Already, people are lamenting the fact that different subject combinations will take them away from each other, and that they'll miss each other, and you get the idea.

As for myself, I'm honestly at a loss. I don't know how I should take this. There are bonds in class, but they don't run too deep; I promised myself I'd not have any emotional attachments in school, they only serve to wear me down, and I'd focus more on my studies. Yet the bond within the guys of Class 1E, year 2005 runs deeper than I'd have liked to be.

Recent weeks spent on revision with Kenneth was something surprisingly enjoyable. In class, he's the only one that comes closests to matching my wit and intellect, with rare occasions surpassing mine. Yet strangely I don't view him as a competitor or challenger. It's strange, and I myself don't have an answer.

The rest of the times with Marcus, Varun, Eugene and (argh) Jonathan have been alright too.

Things will change, ultimately. And I don't know whether to give into the temptation to be real with my feelings or leave them on the shelf. I know I won't feel sad if I don't want to; I've mastered the ability to numb myself and become apathetic. That's the reason why many people view me as distant, cold, and not human, to a small extent.

Honestly, I don't want to face my emotions - the sadness of moving on - and let it affect me. I'd like to think I'm stronger than that, and that people will move on, so I should accept it. But I've proved myself wrong before. I cried when the Track seniors left. I cried inside when Chee Jian said it'll be the last practice we were going to have before they left.

But TJC Track & Field will mean more to me than 1E will ever. Track is something more. So much more. 1E is important, but Track still remains at the top. Alvin, Yong Qi, Yan Liang, Arvin, Yew Boon, Dennis - they'll mean more to me than any of the guys in 1E. It's a senior-junior thing. They've really been so encouraging over the year, and I'll really miss them next year when they leave.

Argh. I miss Track. Can't wait for the exams to be over so Track will resume. Granted I haven't been training regularly, but... Oh nevermind. That's another story...