Darkness Falls

A night over at Mark's place. It's the first time in a long while I've been left to myself, without any distractions. I'm at the balcony, enjoying the cool wind of the night and typing this through wireless. Technological wonders... We enjoy them, but we never question how or why they work.

It seems like I've shut out many people from my life, such that I'm beginning to feel something I thought I'd never feel again - loneliness. It's not a desperate situation, as many would like to think. It's just the feeling of needing to depend on someone, but you can't find anyone around you that you can trust. The intrinsic reasons for this is that I don't want to trust, simply put.

But I have to live with the fact that my present state goes against certain 'gifts' that people claim I have, like the inherent nature of drawing others unto myself. There has always been that attraction that, in the words of Bronson, "makes other want to be [my] friend." But the value of company is no longer treasured, instead, we look to other means for our search to fill our lives.

Just caught snippets of Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, and I really envy that friendship that Samwise and Frodo have. "I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you." They seem to be the ideal personification of friendship - that which is so coveted after. Samwise, time after time, was misunderstood by Frodo, but his love for him kept him by his side, even later to rescue him from Shelob and the Orcs, despite Frodo asking Samwise to leave and go home as he was misled by Gollum. It's just so touching...

Fine, I admit, I'm being an escapist, yearning for the an alternate reality, and wanting that Old World Order. I live in Fantasy, and I want good to triumph over evil, and to live in the time where friendship and kinship reigned, and the hand of forgiveness could be extended, despite irreparable circumstances. I want to end the adventure on a high, and wake up the next day, searching, wandering, and finding and discovering more about this world, its people, and marvel at the lands of the earth. But this is not Middle-Earth. Surrounded by a concrete jungle of buildings made up of the cold steel that makes the heart of many in this age, it's hard to marvel at anything. Values of the Old World are gone, and nothing is at face-value. Now we have to read between the lines and figure out hidden meanings. No one is open, frank, and honest. Instead, we live in lies and deceit, caught in a web of deception, all without knowing it.